Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

13 March 2012

Strange Sex, Part Deux

Awkward confession time:


No, not that.

I recorded an episode of Strange Sex that came on too late for me to stay up and watch it because (and this is the part where all the shame comes in) it was about the man with the World's Biggest Penis.

I had to watch it.

I just had to.


Jonah Falcon, Average White Boy and Shlong Owner Extraordinaire, is equipped with a legendary penis of epic proportions.  This, my dear people, is reality television programming at it's finest.

Move over, Tyra... Jonah Falcon's in town and he's packing heat.

Have you seen my wiener?

I did the Dance of the Shameless into the livingroom this morning and with gleeful anticipation, watched the hell out of the Giant Peener episode of Strange Sex.

A few things stuck with me:

1.  Homeboy has a 13.5" pecker.  

2.  Sadly, he has a face only a mother could love.

3.  He looks like a potato with a giant penis.

4.  I really want to see what a 13.5" peener looks like.


I totally had to google that shit.

Imagine my disappointment when this is all that came up:

If I had a giant peener, I'd wear bright yellow leggings, too.

Okay, I get it.... obviously, judging by all the lumps and bulges in his very unflattering pants, he's packing something.  But come on, it could be anything.  I could achieve that same disgusting outline with a variety of objects.

For example:

Grow little glow worm.... I mean, GLOW...

I honestly can't think of any other use for this.  I just can't.

Water Weenies!!  The phallic shaped toy that is fun for the whole family!  Now take it out of your pants!!

I call your 13" pecker and raise you one oddly shaped random child's toy...

Being the far sighted search engine that it is, however, Google included this handy chart in it's images of Jonah Falcon and his Enormous Shlong:

Uh huh... Uh huh... *nodding head*  NOW I see it....
Well, that's a load off MY mind.

Though it's not looking good for Average Man.


Take that, Average Man.