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Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

23 May 2011

How to be FABULOUS...

...when you SHOULD be doing something else (like, I dunno... looking for a job).


1.  Discover a taped, unlabeled box full of STUFF in the back of your closet.


2.  Get really curious about what it could be (even though you obviously don't need it, since you've lived here for over a month and haven't noticed anything missing).  It could be anything!  (Christmas Story moment.  High 5 if you caught it.)


3.  Open it and discover tubes and bottles of salon brand hair color and neutralizer that your stylist friend, Wendy, has given you over the years (because she was really tired of you buying store brand color and fucking up you hair.  We won't go in to the contract you had to sign swearing you would never, ever, EVER again touch your own hair with scissors or hair clippers.  Yes, hair clippers).


4.  Have a super bright idea. *ding!*


5.  Pick out five shades of hair color ranging from almost black to light violet brown.


6.  Mix up small amounts of each.


7.  Find a highlighting cap and hook that you have left over from your X-Treme Highlights phase, when you were so addicted to highlighting your hair that you added highlights every other day for a week until the ends of your hair started breaking off.  (Yes, I can be that fool-hardy and stupid.)


8.  Put on cap and yank hair through Every.  Single.  Hole.


9.  Put different shades of color on all the strands, in no particular order.


10.  Realize, belatedly, that changing your shirt and putting on gloves would have been a good idea.


11.  Wipe off splotches of hair color from shoulders, forehead, neck, chest and front of shirt.


12.  Set timer.


13.  Make sure you have enough hair color in one shade to mix up in case the end result is more "Rainbow Bright" than "Awesome."


14.  Rinse, condition, blow-dry.


15.  Be amazed at your bad self because seriously?  It looks GREAT.


16.  Get really cocky and add highlights.


17.  Still fabulous!


18.  Give all the local hair salons the mental finger because you're pretty sure, judging by the hair trends of the patrons of this fair village, YOU DON'T NEED THEM.


19.  BOOOO-yah.


20.  Wait for Karma to make you it's bitch again because this kind of cockiness rarely goes unpunished.


21.  Meanwhile, you still rock because your hair?  Is FABULOUS.