"OhmyGOD Becky! Look at her BUTT!"

So here I am, channel surfing, checking out the line-up on LOGO (Ab Fab!!  Back to back episodes!!  *girly squeal of excitement*) when what to my wondering eye should appear but THIS:


"Paris Hilton's My New BFF"


Seriously?  


Dude... You're 30!!  Is being blonde, rich, spoiled, arrogant and STUPID reallyyyyyy still working for you?


This led to rampant curiosity on my part (not to mention rolling my eyes so hard I could actually SEE the part in my hair) so naturally, I had to investigate further.


The following is a brief description of each episode:


Episode 1:  "Talk to you NEVER:  Paris invites 16 ladies and two men to Los Angeles to compete for the role as her new best friend."


(Can you just imagine how scintillating and mind-expanding the DIALOG on this show must be?  I feel myself growing smarter just by reading it.)


Episode 2:  "To Paris:  Paris tests the friends party skills by keeping them out all night."


(Now THAT is what I should have taught MY children!  "If home-boy can't hang and hold his liquor, drop kick him to the curb and keep going.  And always remember and never forget that the first person to pass out gets their hand stuck in warm water.")


Episode 3:  "Sayonara:  The friends must try to look hot while on a roller coaster."


(Duh!)


Episode 4:  "Who's the Fakest?:  When contestants pair up for a commercial shoot, true colors are revealed."


(Oooh!  Fakery amongst the Paris Hilton set?  Shocking!  Never!)


Episode 5:  "You Gotta Have Class."  


(Are you sure you didn't mean, "You've Gotta Be An Ass"??)


Episode 6:  "Vegas, Baby:  Paris takes the remaining BFFs to party in Las Vegas."


(Is she paying?  Because I would totally party in Vegas on Paris' dime.)


Episode 7:  "My Kind of People:  The BFFs are challenged to bring men back to the LA mansion."



(So rather than handing out million dollar bills and telling her potential "BFF" that the one who gives the most to charity wins, the goal is "Find Men"?  YOU ARE A GIVER, PARIS!)


Episode 8:  "Keep your Frenemies Close:  Eliminated players perform ambush makeovers."


(I would be SO PISSED if I were ambushed and made-over.  You'd best drop that make-up brush or draw back a nub, Bitch!)


Episode 9:  "Our Friendship is Over:  Ryan Seacrest visits.  Tensions run high during a surprise double elimination."


(I would be tense, too, if Ryan Seacrest dropped by.)


Episode 10: "Best Friends Forever:  Each finalist spends a day alone with Paris in NYC."


(Sigh.  I'll bet this finale is so heart-warming and special.  I feel myself getting all misty at the thought of Paris Hilton finding her true BFF through the magic of Reality Television.)


I am practically GAGGING when the desire to call Paris Hilton and laugh myself stupid when she answers the phone.  


This is some fine, fiiiiiiine quality programming, y'all.