When the Weiners Opened Pandora's Box...

Let's face it, the name Weiner?  Funny every damn time.  It's impossible to hear or read about somebody named Weiner and not snicker and snort like Beevis and Butthead and say, "Heh heh... heh heh... You said 'Weiner'!"  Certain words turn us all into 5th grade boys.  It's a fact of life.  (And if it doesn't?  I probably don't want to know you.  If you can't get a good old fashioned knee slapping chuckle on over a weiner, butt, or fart joke... well, those of us fishing our minds out of the gutter feel sorry for you.)  


Let's all pause for a moment to reflect on the recently disgraced Anthony Weiner.  Not only has he spent his entire life cursed by the name Weiner, he flashed himself into a full-blown (pun absolutely not intended but funny anyway, tee-hee) political scandal by exposing his weiner and sending pictures of it to unsuspecting recipients.  On one hand (the hand holding his weiner, perhaps), he could have said, "What?  That's my business card.  Weiner, get it?"  Or even pull a Bill Clinton and insist it was absolutely not his weiner until Linda Tripp showed up to investigate. But no... he's not as clever as I am.  Instead?  He stepped down in disgrace, amidst a flurry of dick jokes and guffaws on late night television, taking himself and his weiner out of the spotlight and, for all we know, into oblivion.


(Seriously... why do men think we want to see their business?  We don't.  We really, really don't.  We'd rather see your bank statement and your credit score, thank you very much.  If you send me a picture of your man parts I'm going to be more likely to laugh my ass off and then forward the picture to all my girlfriends so they can laugh, too, than to get all excited about seeing your junk.  True story, yo.)


Mr. Weiner was not  a stand-up guy.  


Pity da foo'!!  


Anyhoo, I was cruising through some previous blogs of mine and I came across one that is simply beyond appropos.  It's almost like it was meant to be.  Kismet, as they say (if "they" are Hindu or Buddhist or, well, me).  


The Ghost of Blogs Past...


So Dan and I were watching Unexplained Mysteries tonight.  On the show were the four college students who were infamously abducted by aliens on a camping trip back in the 1980s.  

(I remember when Unsolved Mysteries did a show about them... Shea was about 9 and happened to watch it at a friend's house.  For about a week he was acting strangely, even more so than usual, at bedtime.  Finally, I'd had enough of him throwing a fit and demanding that his brothers sleep with him and I insisted that he tell me what was going on.  In a tear-choked voice he said, "I'm afraid I'm going to get adopted by aliens."  I said, "What?!"  He said, "I saw a show about aliens coming and adopting kids from a camping trip.  I don't want aliens to come and adopt me.")
 
Anyway.  We're watching this episode (Dan and I) and two of the men who were abducted and anally probed were twins named Jack and Jim Weiner.  Right?  Weiner?  Okay.   We manage to get past that hurdle (Dan has the sense of humor of an 8 year old boy and the name "Weiner" was met with guffaws, snorts, and knee-slapping) when the paranormal investigator who hypnotized them and reviewed the case said, and I quote, "The Weiners opened Pandora's Box..."

Yeah.

The rest of the show was lost to me.  Getting past the Weiners opening Pandora's Box was simply not going to happen.   Dan had to hit "pause" about a thousand times because he was laughing so hard he couldn't hear the dialogue and we kept having to go back and re-hear the guy say, "The Weiners opened Pandora's Box..."  because it never quite got old.

And?  It was funny every goddamn time.

(Okay, I admit it... I laughed, too.  And also repeated the line about 200 times, falling all over myself laughing every single time.)

The Weiners opened Pandora's Box...

Yep.  Still funny!