I went to bed early last night. I'd spent the day running back and forth to the bathroom, either because Domino's sold me a Salmonella Special or because I caught some horrid disease from Dan's relatives on Sunday, one or the other. (I was holding on to the Bad Pizza theory until I developed a fever. At that point I switched sides. Damn hillbillies!)
Since I can never do anything by myself, Javi and Maisy followed me into the bedroom and made themselves comfortable on the bed. Dan was in the living room watching tv on low volume and all was peaceful, quiet, and serene in my house.
I was drifting off to sleep when Maisy (who, let's face it, while being sweet and adorable, is also a smooshy faced little gas bag) released a delicate little burst of wind from beneath her curly tail.
Maisy's ass: "Thhhppppppptttt!"
Dan, from the living room: "What?"
Me, in the bedroom: "HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!"
Dan, appearing in the bedroom holding the remote and looking confused: "What's so funny?"
Me: *laughing myself into a coma*
Dan: *waiting patiently for me to stop*
Me: *not stopping*
Dan: *done being patient* "Didn't you say "Dan"?
Dan, getting pissed: "What did you want?"
Between chokes, wheezes, and guffaws, I was finally able to explain to him that it wasn't me that had spoken his name so lovingly, but rather it was Maisy's ass that had sung the siren song.
Me: "Heeee heeee heeeee!"
Dan: "You're an asshole."
Whatever. I proceeded to laugh myself stupid and fall asleep giggling. The fact that my husband is an endless source of amusement for me is the cherry on the sundae, y'all.