I'm always really amazed by people who have their shit together. Part of it's awe, part of it's envy, and part of it is disbelief, I think... because my shit? Is usually shoved into two different junk drawers, strewn haphazardly through my closet, and crammed into the cupboard I now use for excess crap because my afore-mentioned junk drawers are full and I can barely open OR close them.
In case I'm being too deep, I'm using "shit" and "junk drawer" as metaphors. Sort of. (Though actually, I do have a junk drawer that morphed into two junk drawers, a junk cupboard, and 3 huge boxes in my closet. I'm a big fan of the Junk Drawer. Don't know where to put something? Shove it in the junk drawer. Can't find something? Check the junk drawer. Don't feel like walking the 8 additional steps to the garbage can? Stick it in the junk drawer and take care of it later. Or not. It's like a Black Hole... once it's in there, it will probably never be seen or heard from again. Problem. Sol-ved.)
I took a test one time to see if I were right or left brained. I was feeling lop-sided and figured it was probably because only half of my brain was functioning. It also made a really good case for why I'm lacking in ambition, tend to be immature, am occasionally irresponsible and flaky, and appear to be way dumber than I actually am. (See? Totally not my fault. My brain is lop-sided. Can I collect disability for that? No?) Anyway, I took the test and was positive it would show that one entire half of my head was completely useless and basically only there so that I could wear earrings in both ears and my hair would look good.
Imagine my surprise when I found out I am one of those rare and cursed people who are Equally Brained. Both sides of my brain are used in equal measures.
Say whaaaaaaa? How is that possible? I suck at math and don't give a good god damn about science. How could I be equally brained???
And then it occurred to me... This means I'm equally stupid on both sides of my head.
THIS is why I can't make up my mind, never show up on time, don't bother balancing my check book, have never lived up to my potential, and have two junk drawers, a junk cupboard, and a junk closet.
THIS IS WHY.
This is why I drive Dan crazy because I don't get wildly upset about stupid, petty little shit (in my opinion) that sends him into a tizzy and causes him to re-enact the death bed scene from Camille, this is why I laugh inappropriately at everything, this is why I'm the only person who thinks I'm funny, this is why I identify better with people half my age than my peers...
It's because I? Am equally brained. I can't focus on anything because I am focusing on everything. Both sides of my brain are working at the same time and throwing the other side off. It's too much for one person.
It's tragic, really. I'm surprised no one has done a Tele-thon for me. (Do they still do those?)
How I envy those simple souls who are going through life only using half their brain...