(What follows is an excellent example as to why I'm going to Hell, why I'm usually the only one who thinks I'm funny, and why it's a good thing that I crack myself up because there's a good chance that no one else is laughing.)
One of Dan's favorite things to do is look online to see what celebrities are dead. I call it the "Guess Who Died?" game. Dan enjoys this game wayyyyy more than I do, but I play along, just to keep him happy. (I'm a giver.)
The other night I was perched on the couch reading Anne Rule's "But I Trusted You" (because MY obsessions with the dead tend to be more along the lines of horrific murders and serial killers... wayyyy more classy that your basic Dead Celebrities, am I right?) and Dan was on one of his favorite "Did you know that so and so was dead?" sites. Occasionally he would say something, like "Did you know it's been 20 years since John Candy died?", "John Hughes died? Where was I?" or, "Is Edie McClurg dead?" but for the most part, he was quietly minding his own business and I was minding mine.
Then he said, "Oh my GOD! Laura Branigan is dead?"
And that, my friends, is when the Devil pinched me on the ass and I once and for all insured myself the spot closest to the fire.
(*If you have any illusions at this point that I am a wonderful, fabulous person who never says anything rotten or evil and would never make a joke out of somebody's untimely death, please stop reading now. I don't want to shatter your high opinion of me. If you suffer no such illusions, DON'T JUDGE ME. Please be advised that no celebrities were killed during the writing of this blog.)
Me: *not really caring or listening" "Who?"
Dan: "Laura Branigan!"
Dan: "Laura Branigan!"
Me: "Who is Laura Branigan?"
Dan: *being super dramatic* "You don't know who Laura Branigan is? Laura Branigan? Really? You don't know? She sang Gloria! I can't believe you don't know who Laura Branigan is."
Dan: *singing* "Gloria! Gloria! Something something calling Gloriaaaaa! Seriously, Dani! How can you not know who Laura Branigan is?! I thought you liked the movie Footloose!"
Me: *starting to laugh*
Dan: "What's so funny?"
Me: *laughing so hard I'm about to pee* "Were you like a giant fan or something?"
Him: "Well, no..."
Me: "Can you tell me one other song that she sang?"
Me: *clutching my sides and weeping in hilarity* "Go on... sing a few bars of any other song she ever sang. I'm waiting! Or hey... how about you sing something other than the words Gloria! Gloria!"
Me: *howling with mirth* "Do you want to like make a pilgrimage to her home town or something? Because we could totally do that on our next vacation. In fact, we could sing nothing but Gloria both ways! And we could call her when we got there!"
Dan: *frantically searching the internet to find any other song he recognizes by Laura Branigan and failing miserably* "What's so funny? Stop laughing! Well, she won a Grammy..."
Me: "For Gloria?"
Me: *wiping away tears* "What did she do before Gloria?"
Me: "Let me guess... she was thinking about Gloria!"
Me: "What did she do after Gloria?"
Me: *braying like a jackass* "Talk about Gloria?"
Me: *peeing a little* "Did Gloria ever answer the phone?"
Dan: "What is wrong with you?"
Me: "Heeeheheheheheheheheeeeeeeeeeeeeeheeee!" *choke cough*
Dan: "You're not right."
Me: *watching my soul shrivel, turn black, and disappear in a sulphurous cloud* "Heeeeee... I know."
(For the record, I wasn't laughing AT Laura Branigan. Or her death. I was laughing at Dan. Just an FYI.)