Last night, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, we had the following conversation:
Me: *randomly, with absolutely no inkling of what was to come* "Hey, Dan? Could you get me a bottle of water out of the frigerator?"
Dan: "You mean the RE-frigerator?"
Me: "Frigerator. Refrigerator. Fridge. Whatever. Could you get me a bottle of water out of it, please?"
Dan: *because he honestly can't help himself* "'Frigerator' isn't a word."
Me: *immediately giving in to my innate need for fuckery* "Sure it is. It means to frigerate."
Me: "'RE-frigerate' means it's frigerating more than once. Ergo, 'frigerate' is a word. Because it can't do it more than once if it isn't happening in the first place."
Dan: *over-reacting, per usual, because that's how he rolls* "Dani, you sound IGNORANT when you say that. You sound like you really believe that."
Me: "That's because it's true. You can't RE-lapse if you hadn't already lapsed. You can't RE-do something if you didn't do it at least once. You can't RE-frigerate something that hasn't already been frigerated."
Dan: *eyes bulging out of his head* "Please tell me you're kidding."
Me: *because I'm an asshole, he's an automotive electrician, and I love nothing more than fucking with him over a subject he knows way more about than I do* "Of course I'm not kidding. How can you be a freaking electrician and not know that 'frigerate' is a word? Did you sleep through that semester? Seriously, Dan... pull your head out of your ass."
Dan: *tossing aside his parachute as he prepared to jump out of the airplane* "'REfrigerate'. Don't be stupid, Dani."
Me: "I'M being stupid? Hello, pot? This is kettle. IT'S IN THE FRIGERATOR. I'm so embarrassed for you, Dan."
Dan: *getting hot under the collar and working himself towards a massive stroke* "Dani! Really? REALLY? IT'S 'REFRIGERATOR.' How can you sit there and tell me that you think 'frigerate' is a word? Oh my God! Seriously?"
Me: *having more fun than a fat kid in a candy shop* "Dan... think about it. "RE" means to do again. It can't RE-frigerate if it isn't already frigerating. How can you not know that?"
Dan: *launching into a hi-tech lecture using fancy words explaining everything I ever needed to know about refrigerators but honestly didn't give a shit about*
Me: *totally not listening because I was plotting my next move*
Dan: *finishing... finally*
Me: "Dude... whatever. If something is in the refrigerator, it's FRIGERATING. I'm trying to teach you something here."
Dan: *having a hissy fit and giving up on me* "Fine."
Dan: *leaving the room*
Me: *waiting a few minutes then following him out, only to totally bust him looking up "frigerate" in the dictionary*
Me: *laughing like a demented hyena*
Dan: "You're an asshole."
Later last night, as we were cuddling in bed:
Dan: *nuzzling my neck and kissing me sweetly on the ear* "I love you so much I would give up my entire Fantasy Football career to make you happy."
Me: *long, long, LONG pause*
Dan: *sighing blissfully, totally lost in the moment*
Me: *practically peeing myself as I convulsed with laughter*
Dan: *honest to God completely caught off-guard* "What's so funny?"
Me: *dying* "I love you so much I would give up my entire Facebook career for you!"
Me: *tears* "I love you so much I would give up SOCKS for you!"
Dan: *turning red* "I guess that didn't come out like I expected it to..."
Me: *laughing so hard I thought my head would explode* "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I WOULD GIVE UP EYE SHADOW FOR YOU! HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!"
Me: *because I seriously don't know when to quit* "I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH I WOULD GIVE UP RECYCLED COFFEE FILTERS FOR YOU!"
Me: *wheezing and almost dying because I honestly couldn't breathe* "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I WOULD GIVE UP GOOD TOILET PAPER FOR YOU!"
Dan: *giving up and leaving the room*
Me: *laughing myself into a pants wetting asthma attack completely by myself in the bedroom*
Me: *composing myself well enough to get up and follow him into the living room*
Dan: *looking wounded, butt-hurt, and seriously embarrassed* "Are you done?"
Me: *because I totally wasn't* "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I WOULD GIVE UP READING FOR YOU!"
Dan: "You're an asshole."