Dan had to go to work, so he left 7:45-ish. Unbeknownst to me, Mr. Awesome, my downstairs neighbor, had the day off from Awesome Duty at the local Marine Corps Recruiting Office (or wherever he works... I'm not really sure. I may or may not just be making that up. He's a Marine and he thinks he's awesome... beyond that, I'm clueless).
Here's what happened:
I got up right after Dan left, started my coffee going, and went pee. While I was peeing, Maisy (my pug) apparently got a wild hair up her butt and went a little nuts. She occasionally will start tearing around the apartment, doing loops through the livingroom and around the legs of the coffee table, then she'll stop for a minute and make sure we're watching, then she'll do it again and again until she wears herself out.
I think it's hilarious.
(This is a video of Maisy doing her Crazy Pug Run. Yes, I'm the one laughing like a demented hyena in the background. Prepare to be amazed by my mad recording skillz, yo.)
So now that you have a visual, this is what Maisy was doing for the 30 seconds it took me to pee. She would do a lap through the livingroom then come into the bathroom to look at me, then do it again.
She had time for maybe three laps.
I found it extremely entertaining and laughed accordingly.
Right at that exact moment, Mr. Awesome got pissed.
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| "I'm awesomely pissed." |
THEN he threw a tantrum.
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| My wrath is AWESOME. |
First, he hammered on the ceiling for about 5 minutes, effectively ending the Pug Party in my apartment.
THEN... he opened all the windows in his apartment (in spite of the fact that it was snowing) and cranked his horrible music as loud as he could.
I was skooled, yo.
He left his music at full blast for over an hour, during which time he left his apartment.
When he came back, approximately 45 minutes later, he slammed our communal door three times before going back into his apartment and turning off his music.
Meanwhile, I went through the Five Stages of Fury:
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| 1. Wait... are YOU fucking with ME? |
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| 2. Oh yeah? |
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| 3. You won't like me when I'm angry... |
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| 4. Die, Motherfucker!!! DIE!!!! |
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| 5. |
Then I remembered I was an adult.
SHIT.
The next day, I killed Mr. Awesome with kindness by baking him cookies and hanging them on his doorknob in a gift bag with a little note thanking him for his service.
Suck on that, asshole.
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| I win at life. BOO-yahhh!! |
You win!
ReplyDeleteHeidi- www.GirltoMom.com
Yiiikes. I guess I'm grateful that the people who live below me are a gazillion years old. Even though I have to deal with listening to them yell for each other ("MARGE? MAAAAAARRRGGGEEE?") I'm fairly confident they can't hear anything going on in my apartment, which I appreciate.
ReplyDeleteKill them with kindness.
ReplyDeleteHe is not so awesome, and my what delicate ears he has! Glad a 30 second disturbance sent himflyingout pfnthemwrong side of the bed. Anything after 7:30 is respectable in my up at 6:00 world! PS. Am back on the damn elliptical trying to keep pace with a pug!
ReplyDeleteMr. Awesome is an idiot.
ReplyDeleteNICE move with the cookies! *fist bump*
What a big ole baby Mr. Awesome is. It's a pug, not a mastiff.
ReplyDeleteWhat a grownup, and nice neighbor, you are - but I really hope you included the last pic of you and Maisy along with the note and cookies.
Right? 15 lbs of pug tearing through the house for 30 seconds compared to 12 hours of karaoke fun in HIS apartment... Don't even get me started.
ReplyDeleteCan't see the pug run, cuz I'm at work, and work sucks balls. But I'm sure it's freaking adorable.
ReplyDeleteI sure hope you added some X-lax to those cookies. Kindness plus a couple hours on the shitter sounds about right.
The video of Maisy is hilarious! She may be related to my cat, who does the same thing every coupla days (she's a really strange bird, LOL!).
ReplyDeleteYou didn't forget to put in the eXtra ingredient, did ya, the "marriage ya wanna?"
ReplyDelete