Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

29 February 2012

My Master Plan

For many, MANY years I've been researching how to commit the perfect crime.

(Not that I ever would.)

I've read every Ann Rule book ever written, have buried myself in every show in the True Crime genre under the sun, have taken copious notes while watching Snapped!...

And then recently, while watching television, I couldn't find the remote and ended up having to sit through a commercial.

And that's when I discovered that all I have to do to commit the perfect crime is whiten my teeth afterwards...

and no one will recognize me.



I could rob a bank in broad daylight wearing a name tag and leaving my business card behind and all I would have to do is whiten my teeth while driving home in the getaway car (with a vanity plate that says "Hi, I'm Dani, and I Rob Banks") and I would be unrecognizable before I pulled out of the parking space.

There I would be, waving at the surveillance camera, flashing my boobs and doing devil horns and not one single person would be able to pick my ass out of a line-up.  They'd be all, "No, it couldn't be her... look how white her teeth are!"

Before whitening:

"That's the bitch who robbed the bank!!"

After whitening:

"Who's this person?  She doesn't look familiar at all..."

I'm telling you, my plan is fool-proof.


  1. OMG. That commercial cracks me up every time!

  2. Brilliant! You devious genious you. Just think of all the shenanigans you could get yourself into!! Can I be your sidekick? I'll wear a hat and sunglasses after and nobody will ever know it is us. I love it when a plan comes together.

  3. Don't forget a pair of glasses to seal the deal for your secret identity...if it tricked Lois Lane...

  4. In the event someone sees through your blindingly white teeth disguise....I was with you all night.

  5. I see a fatal flaw in your plan....what happens when you rob a 2nd bank WITH your dazzlingly white teeth? I suggest a brown sharpie, or yellow. It's a matter of preference really....


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