Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

06 March 2012

Fatty Wants Food, Dammit

Welcome to Day 5 of my liquid diet.

This is what the inside of my head looks like:


This is what I dreamed about last night:

I'm running for the border...

This is what I looked like in my dream last night while I was running for the border:

Yo quiero Taco Bell...

This is what I would really look like running for the border:

Yo.... quiero.... Taco... Bell...

(As you can see, I'm moving so quickly I'm blurry.)

Okay, that's a lie.  This is what I'd actually look like running for the border:


The liquid diet actually hasn't been that bad, other than my incessant thoughts about nachos.  Overall, I haven't been uber hungry and I've had plenty of variety in the drinks I've been consuming.  I feel thinner, less bloated, healthier, and have wayyyyy more energy than I have in a while.  If it weren't for this goddamned PMS I'd be in a fabulous mood, as well.  Instead, I woke up this morning channeling Ozzy Osbourne and have the sudden urge to bite the head off of a live bat.  (Or I would, if I weren't so deathly afraid of bats.)

I'm getting tons of exercise, what with running back and forth to the bathroom to pee every 8 seconds and have noticed my usually psychotic cravings for caffeine to be lessening.  (What's up with that, right?)

To motivate myself this weekend I watched pretty much nothing but Fatty Motivational Shows, like Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.  I got sucked into a Supersize vs Superskinny marathon.  (Have you seen this???  That show is appalling but I couldn't stop watching, for some reason... There is no freaking way in hell you could strip me down to my sensible white cotton undergarments and put me next to some anorexic "I just forget to eat" freak and then display my fat, cellulite-ridden ass all over national tv).  

I always hang out and chat with thin people in my skivvies.

I wonder where my wiener is...

Anyone besides me notice his right boob is bigger than his left?

Ever totally lose your train of thought while blogging because while you were looking for images of people who appeared on Supersize vs Superskinny, this kept popping up?


Starvation is making me stupid.  

I have NO idea where I was going with this and just kind of lost it all.  

*cue sound of dead air*

Lord, this is embarrassing.