This is what the inside of my head looks like right this minute.
I've started 67,583,575,639,203,847 blog entries recently and all of them have been so mundane and uneventful that I bored myself right off the internet. (True story. I know, right??)
(Just an FYI: This is going to be another. So if the internet suddenly and inexplicably dies, it's probably my fault.)
I thought to myself, Maybe I could tell them about the time...
And then I was all, No... what if your kids accidentally read this? (Accidentally, because I'm pretty sure none of them read it on purpose, just in case I say something embarrassing. Not that I ever would. *cough*)
Then I got desperate.
Sexy photos!! I thought. No one would expect that!! I'll pimp my blog with ostentatious cleavage shots!!
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| Cheese, Motherfuckers!! |
Then I remembered that I'm fat.
Not to mention almost 50.
Fuck. So much for relying on the basics of sex, drugs and rock and roll.
Screw you, Father Time, Carbohydrates and Gravity.
And screw you, too, Writer's Block.
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| Talk to me, dammit!!! |
What about...
No. Too boring.
Oh wait! I know!! How about the time...
No. No one cares about that.
Ooh! I've got it! The time I...
Seriously? Do you want to spend the rest of your life wearing an orange jumpsuit and peeing in a stainless steel toilet in a room full of strangers?
Crap.
I've got nothing.
I've run out of embarrassing moments.
Share yours with me and I will share them with the class. Anonymously or non-anonymously, whichever you prefer. Email me your deepest, darkest, most humiliating moments @ deathbycupcakes1@gmail.com.
And now, I will leave you with this, because I think it's hilarious:
Well, at least I always know that we can count on you for fucked up pictures trolled from the world wide weird. And we love you for it.
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't think anyone in law enforcement reads your blog, so you are probably safe to tell that one story. Oh, and your kids don't read it either, so tell the other one, too. There you go! Aren't I helpful? :D
I don't know how else to let you know that I nominated you for the Liebster Award. I enjoy your blog so much. You can check it out at http://thesquirrelhasnuts.blogspot.com.
ReplyDeleteUgh, the dreaded WB. I have loads and loads of unfinished posts too, or ones that I did finish but decided were terrible.
ReplyDeleteSo you're soliciting humiliating stories from us? I freaking love it! I'll have to think of a good one to send.
But if I tell YOU all of my embarrassing stories what will I put on MY blog?? Lol!!
ReplyDelete