Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

21 September 2011

Jeepers, creepers...

I have a stalker. Or maybe it's just wishful thinking.

Here's what happened:

I received a Friend Request on Facebook from a person who's name was familiar. She had no picture on her profile, or any info on her wall that could be checked out prior to Friend Acceptance (tricky bitch, yes?) so I accepted. I mean, I ranted the other day about someone reporting me to the Facebook Police because apparently, I tried to "Friend" them and they didn't know me. (You can read all about my warning and harsh punishment here: Seriously, why couldn't they have just given me a spanking and been done with it? Harsh, Dude.)

After taking such a public stand (after all, I have over one followers) I decided to NOT be THAT PERSON. Because I'm not an asshole. Also? I don't want to be rude (I'm looking at YOU, person who ratted me out to Facebook) just in case it was someone who had been very near and dear to me at some point in my life that I just don't remember. (And since I don't remember a whole lot of things, that really isn't a huge stretch in the realm of possibility.)


After I clicked "Accept" I hustled onto her page (because truthfully? I have absolutely nothing else to do other than spend my days on Facebook... sad but true. In my defense, I AM looking for a job, my house IS clean, my pets ARE fed and other than one or two exceptions, my husband DOES have clean, matching socks, so it's not like I spend my life on the couch looking like an episode of Hoarders, which is, pathetically, a huge fear of mine. I actually spend my days on the couch in a VERY CLEAN HOUSE) just to see who she is, who her other friends are, how many of them I know, if we went to high school together, blah blah blah.

And since I feel like I'm on the verge of being discovered, I don't want to offend any potential discoverers.

And here's where it gets creepy:

*cue Shower Scene from Psycho*

*or maybe theme from Jaws, where you know the shark is coming*



*sound of frenzied slashing in shower/Great White attack... the shark, not the band*

Creepy, right?

But also? Strangely fascinating, yes? (Okay, maybe it's just me.)

So now I'm waiting to see how it all plays out.

Will she get more friends?

Will she add a photo and a bio to her Info page?

Will she send me a lock of her hair?

*soap opera music*

Stay tuned...


  1. Oooo...I once had a guy friend me on Facebook and I accepted and he was a semi-famous director who said I "intrigued" him and the same week, he DIED! I'm totally serious.

    OOO- Girl to Heidi

  2. Wowwwww.... that's freaky!! Eeek! That kinda sucked for both of you! (Okay, maybe it sucked for him a little more, but still...)

    I'm still stalking my stalker... still her only friend...

    Now I have the children's story "There was an old woman who swallowed a spider" running through my head and I almost said, "Perhaps, she'll DIE!" but I won't, because that's really wrong on pretty much every single level.

    I hear Hell is saving me a spot, reallll close to the fire...

  3. Annnnnddd it wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her!!! Sorry, couldn't resist adding that bit there! Maybe it's one of those good stalkers where they want to give you money! Of course they only exist in my imagination, so good luck with that!

  4. I got 'friended' by some chick named Sarah that claimed we'd gone to high school together. After a little quality Nancy Drew work on my part I discovered that I had indeed gone to high school with 'Sarah', only he/she had been named 'Scott' then. Gives a whole new meaning to Status Update.

  5. *snort* @ "whole new meaning to Status Update." Haaaahahahahaaaa!!


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