Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

08 October 2011

All Hail The Mighty Oprah

I don't know about you all, but Oprah is starting to make me nervous.

I accidentally got addicted to her channel (OWN) when she lured me in by turning it into the All Dr. Phil, All The Time network. Call me weak, but I can't resist a good episode of Dr. Phil. (Now if she'd only add a Snapped! marathon once in a while, I'd never change the channel.)

I've never really paid much attention to Oprah before, other than one episode of Top Model when Tyra was carrying on about how Oprah was her Role Model and she wanted to be just like her when she grew up, and she (Tyra) asked one of the models what she knew about Oprah and the model said (seriously... Best. Quote. EVER.) "I know she has donuts flown in for breakfast..."

Because yeah, that's kind of what I knew about her, too. You have to respect a woman who has her own private Air Donuts service.

Other than that? I'm all, "I'd rather watch Maury or Springer..."

(I'm probably the only person in the world who never saw Tom Cruise jumping around on her couch like a hyper-active horny little monkey.)

Anyway, I started noticing her previews for the new Fall Line-up on OWN. First, we've got Rosie O'Donnell, who seems to think that performing colonic irrigation live on her show on all of her staff members is a charming and innovative idea. (I'd quit. True effing story. If part of my job description was "have hose shoved up ass on camera" I'd be out of there faster than you could say "poop".) Then there's a brief moment where Oprah tries to be funny while doing a promo for Rosie's show... uh huh, uh huh, lame but okay. We have Oprah teaching Rosie how to properly bellow out "John Tra-VOLLLLLLLL-taaaaaaa!" which I didn't know was actually a thing, but that just goes to show how much I know.

It was when I saw THIS that I got concerned.

Not the song, so much... it's catchy and has a great beat. I admit to bopping along with it, which is what distracted me for so long from the obvious message that is buried within:

Oprah is King.

The brief image of her folding her hands as if in prayer whilst acknowledging and accepting the worship of her loyal subjects was a trifle frightening.


It totally reminds of the opening of the movie The Lion King. Totally. Every single time. I'm just waiting for her to hold Rosie over her head, like the Shaman Baboon presenting Young Simba, while the masses cheer and the Jungle Becomes One: Carnivore and Herbivore standing side by side, in perfect harmony, all worshiping at the Church of Oprah.

Right? RIGHT?

Just me, then?

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