What with preparing for the Rapture and all, I haven't bothered to clean my house, do dishes, or pay any bills. I'd be really pissed if I were swept up in the Glory and my last act on earth was to pay Verizon for next month's phone usage, ya know?
Instead, I'm spending the day eating bon-bons and ice cream, as I'm fairly certain there will be no calories or lactose intolerance in Heaven.
Because naturally, that's where I'll be going.
I've been busting out the good deeds this week in preparation:
1. I called my mother. No really, I did. (Okay, I lied. She called me. But I answered the phone.)
Okay, so it's the thought that counts. I thought about doing good deeds. But I was busy not doing laundry, so, you know... I didn't actually have time to commit.
I confessed to my sins and asked forgiveness.
Okay, actually I talked to some old friends and we yucked it up about all the really awful shit we used to do and had ourselves a good laugh at the expense of others, but that's almost the same, right?
I thought about killing my husband but I didn't.
And that, right there? Is my ticket to the other side, yo.