Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

18 October 2011

In Which Geese Make Me Look Stupid...

I'm growing very suspicious of the local geese.  I've seen them congregating in large groups, flying in formation as if they're preparing for something, and recently, on two separate but very close together occasions, I was the victim of Looking Moronic Via Water Fowl.  Since I never look like an idiot on purpose, I'm pretty sure it was the geese.  They planned it, they carried it out, and now they're all pumped up with the success of their mission.

And I'm positive there's more to come. 
Geese?  Are assholes.

These two events could not possibly have been coincidental.

First, this happened:

Driving along with Dan the other day, we passed a flock of white birds along the side of the highway.

Me:  "Oh cool, seagulls.  I miss them!"

Dan:  *looking at me in disbelief for a moment*  "Ummm, Dani?  Those were geese."

Me:  "Seagulls, geese, whatever... white water fowl."

Dan:  "Yeah... they're almost the same..."

Me:  "Right?"

(See?  CLEARLY not my fault.  The geese were milling about, looking like seagulls, just to make ME look like a dumbass.  They're such fuckers, the geese.)

Then, the other night, in our living room:

Dan:  "Do you hear that?  The geese are migrating."

Me:  "Yeah... gobble gobble gobble gobble!  Ha ha they're loud!"

Dan:  *actually, for once, stunned into silence*

Me:  *happily pondering the flight of the gobbling geese*

Dan:  "Dani?  Really?"

Me:  "Huh?"

Yeah.  Those bastards did it on purpose.  They were gobbling as they flew over my house.  They were all, "GOBBLE GOBBLE!  GOBBLE GOBBLE!  Bwaaaaa!!!  Did she say anything?  Does she think the domesticated turkeys are migrating south for the winter?"

I'm not going to forget about this.

It's allllll fun and games until someone winds up with an ass full of buckshot.

Fucking geese.

Let this be a warning to you all:


  1. Those bastards. You TOTALLY did not deserve this fate. Next one I see...dies.

    One question, though. If they're not white, and they look like the one in the picture, are they all like...into attacking? Because if so, next one I, I'll think of something.

  2. See, I've never lived this close to Canada before and I think they know that. They're messing with me. Big time.

    I've decided geese are the new turkey. So if they don't knock this shit off, they're Thanksgiving dinner.


  3. Geese are assholes. I don't really have experience with Canadian Geese, but the California Geese at the park in my old neighborhood were aggressive and mean. Plus one time I saw a male with a prominent cork screw style goose penis running after and subsequently mounting another goose. It did not look consensual and there were horrible noises. SCARRED FOR LIFE! Geese are assholes.

  4. I was pinched by a effing goose as a child, still have nightmares. Geese are the devil in feathers...

  5. All together now: GEESE ARE ASSHOLES!! It is spoken.

  6. Fucking geese. I am convinced they are Satan's chosen fowl. They are just plain nasty creatures, and yet we still allow them to congregate around lakes and ponds in parks like they aren't evil incarnate. Beware of those satanic assholes!

  7. Ooooh, I agree, geese are assholes. They are also mean little mo-fo's. I distinctly remember being chased by one as a kid. Vicious.

    And Mistyslaws is right, we let them in our parks and stuff, and actually say things like "Oh look! Geese!"

    What did they ever so to deserve that?

  8. EXACTLY!! What did geese ever do to deserve free bread thrown at them, free access to any body of water they choose to land in, and people pointing and acknowledging their existence? I'm telling you, those sneaky bastards are planning something.

  9. I'm not a fan of geese...they leave poop and tiny feathers everywhere.


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