Actual thought that just this second burst into my head and caused momentary panic: "Oh shit! It's after 10:00! I'M MISSING MAURY!!!"
I know, right? I know.
THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE HAS BECOME.
I really, REALLY need a job.
Or a hobby.
Or a cheeseburger...
In my defense, how is this not fascinating? Isn't there a part of you that watches in disbelief and joy as people parade their skid-marked undies out onto the stage and share that shit stain with the world?
No?
Just me, then?
Fine.
But aren't you just a littttttle bit curious?
Really?
Not even a little??
I hate trash TV. It is a train wreck, albeit one from which I cannot tear my bleeding eyes, and while I always feel better about myself after watching, I feel so small and evil about 30 seconds later for my air of superiority.
ReplyDeleteMy conscience is a high-fallutin' whore. And quite frankly, if I wanted that kind of guilt, I'd become Catholic.
P.S. - you can have my job. I've had enough.
Oh my God, I LIVE for shit like this! Hence my TiVo being bloted with episodes of Toddlers & Tiaras and Jerseylicious. Trainwrecks like those make me feel so much better about myself as a person.
ReplyDeleteMy conscience doesn't bother me for watching crap tv, but my brain does. I'm always a little disappointed in myself for being so fascinated by this shit. But then I sit down and watch Hoarders, America's Next Top Model, Dr. Phil... Yeah. I'm a Crap Whore.
ReplyDeleteHuh. I had no idea that cottonballs could be dangerous.
ReplyDeleteDon't we all have some kind of "crap" that we're into?
I didn't know Maury was still on the air until I started reading your blog. We don't have television and therefore don't watch reality/talk shows. However:
ReplyDeletea) We have Netflix, and I have watched more bad movies than I care to discuss. And old episodes of the X-Files. In my defense, Fox Mulder was hot.
and,
b) I have watched Toddlers and Tiaras clips on YouTube. Which means I actually had to type in Toddlers and Tiaras, which is far worse than just turning on the television. I actively sought that shit out on my own.
Also, since I don't have regular TV and haven't in close to ten years, if I happen to be somewhere and there is a television, I am obsessed with commercials.
I grew up without tv because my parents decided it was destroying our minds and turning this country into "a nation of illiterates." (I can't tell you how much I hate that they were right.) When I would go to friend's houses I would be glued to the television. Now I actually watch way less than it appears (since I write about it so much) but in reality, I'd rather read a book. But put some reality crap on the air and I'm so sucked in it isn't even funny.
ReplyDeleteI watch A LOT of TV, and most of it is reality competitive stuff, so I have no place to judge others on their crap TV watching.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I can't watch Maury or Jersey Shore or Toddlers & Tiaras, or any of that other completely gross stuff because it just makes me feel dirty afterwards, like I need a silkwood shower and a tetnus shot. And a shot of tequila to try to forget. Funny? Yes. Cringe inducing and soul crushing? Absolutely.