This is my little Pomeranian, Javi. (That would be HAAA-veee, not JAAA-vee or JAY-VEE or any other atrocious mangling of his name. His real name is Javibear, which is our really obnoxiously cute variation of Javier, because he looks like a little black bear and we are that kind of embarrassing.)
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| Say my name, bitch... |
It all started innocently enough this morning: I took a shower, got dressed, shut the bedroom door and went about my business. Maisy (my pug) was, per usual, in her spot under the fleece blanket on the couch. I assssssuuuuuuumed that Javi was under the couch, which is kind of his "thing" these days. (We aren't really sure why.)
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| What...? |
As it turns out, I couldn't have been more wrong. Javi had been...
*cue slasher music*
LOCKED IN THE BEDROOM.
Javi was not happy. In fact, one might say that Javi was pissed.
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| WTF??? |
He had also expressed his extreme displeasure in the following ways:
He left teeny little turds in a trail leading from the bed to the door.
I have never seen that much poop come out of one tiny little 4 lb dog. He has squeezed out every single bit of excrement that had been lingering in his wee little colon, in a perfect line, spaced about a foot apart.
At the end of the parade was an itty bitty spot of pee, about the size of a quarter.
When I opened the door, he gave me a sideways glance that clearly said, "Watch your back, bitch." Usually, he is the sweetest of little dogs, always loving and happy and full of snuggles...
But apparently, I had crossed some sort of Pomeranian-line.
"I will not be forgotten and locked in a bedroom without access to THUMBS."
He is now lying on the couch, plotting my demise.
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| I will keel you in your sleep... |
I, on the other hand, am busy kissing his fluffy little ass and plying him with Pupperoni and pig ears. When I decide I've apologized enough, he pulls this shit:
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| Remember the time you did THIS to me? |
It's gonna be a longggggg day.
My mother used to have 4 of those furry little yap machines and they all did the same thing if they were pissed off: neatly arranged little mookie-sticks (because pom poop totally looks like little sticks) all laid out in what I expect was Pomeranian for "Fuck you, mom."
ReplyDeleteFor me personally a dog should only be defined as something that won't die if you drop a paperback on its head.
Javi is by all intents and purposes a shockingly cool little dog... If he were human, he would totally be The Fonz. He never barks, doesn't bite, doesn't nip, and has worked as a therapy dog with young children with autism. I guess every little dog gets to be really, really naughty ONCE in their lives! And, as he pointed out, it WAS my fault...
ReplyDeleteOh, I have so much crap going on today and this put a huge smile on my face! (Which, I guess is at your expense, I'm sorry. But it was a funny story.)
ReplyDeleteI have a 6 lb. chihuahua and a min-pin that's about twice that size. What little stinkers. The min-pin is far too stupid to punish us, but our chihuahua - oh she is an eeevil little thing when she's angry!
Your pup is soooo cute!
So cute! Did you leave him in thee long in human time, or just dog years?
ReplyDeleteYou know ... that we [humans] are "owned" by the four-footed beings who share our space ... need proof ... read your blog again and again!
ReplyDeleteWow. That sounds like a very neat, borderline OCD punishment on his part. A line of poo and then a puddle? It's an exclamation point!
ReplyDeleteI thought I wanted a Pom (or a Cavalier, undecided) as an addition to my Pug (THE BITCH) & my Golden (The Lover) but I'm rethinking the whole thing now...I'm not sure I can handle anymore canine attitude in my life at the moment...But geesh are those damn Poms friggin cute OR WHAT??
ReplyDelete99% of the time he is very well behaved... Grammy, poms are awesome little dogs! His attitude is usually one of extreme coolness. Javi is a rockstar, seriously.
ReplyDeleteAnd I learned my lesson: Do not lock Javi in a room that he can't escape from.
Noted.
I too have experienced the angry revengeful pooping of a pissed off canine. It's as if they make it super spectacular just so you know how wrong you were and just how put out they are.
ReplyDeleteHe is one cute little ball of fur, though. I'll give him that. And they always give you those eyes after, so it makes it super hard to hate them for being so horrible.