Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

16 December 2011

It all ended with me being left speechless...

You know how you have those days where even though you're sick, you're almost 49, and you started out your morning by burning your husband's crotch with scalding liquid, you still manage to pull it all together and head out for your long day of shopping feeling okay and maybe even a little sassy and cute?  And you kind of catch a glimpse of yourself in your review mirror rockin' your Ed Hardy bling bling shades and your hair kind of spiky and punked out, and you're all, "Uh huh... I may be fat and almost 50 but DAYUM I'm fine..."

And even though you're wearing Ugg boots (truly the second ugliest shoe known to man... Crocs are first, FYI) because you're going to be on your feet for a LONGGG-ass time, you're still workin' it when you sashay into the Walmart and prop your shades on top of your head (because seriously, only the fabulous can own that look)...

And then...

THIS happens.

Some old bitch has to totally shit all over your parade.

I was standing in line at the pharmacy, minding my own business (I make it a rule to NEVER make eye contact or strike up a conversation with people waiting in a line to pick up meds... I learned THAT lesson the hard way) when I happened to notice that the elderly woman in front of me was staring at me as if I were a mirage.

I smiled dismissively at her and looked away (I'm sorry, but old people scare me) and that's when she approached me (GAHHH!  NOOO!  NOOO!  WHERE IS MY DAMNED CLOAK OF INVISIBILITY!!!) and said...

"You certainly are interesting looking!"

Me:  *blink*  *blink*

Interesting looking?  What does that mean??!!

Like... this?

"I refer to my look as "interesting."

Or... this??

"Dear Glamour Shots, Thank you SO much for capturing my aura of "interestingness" so magically!"

I'm frightened... and a little confused.

Well, actually this IS kind of interesting, in an "if I had three boobs I'd  look interesting" kind of way...

But just as I was beginning to wrap my brain around "interesting looking" she followed with...

"At first glance, you look so young..."


As opposed to... second glance?  When I look so old?

First glance...

Second glance...


Thanks a lot, old lady at Walmart... THANKS A LOT.