Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

12 January 2012

Further Confessions of Little Miss Morbid

"I can't believe I'm dead and they're making me wear this silly hat.  I'm SOOO going to haunt those assholes!"

Warning:  This blog contains images that may be disturbing to some viewers.  Viewer discretion is advised.

According to my husband, Dan, I have "issues."  Lots and lots of dark and dirty "issues."  

He also claims that I'm "not right."

By "not right" he doesn't mean "wrong"... He means "loca en la cabeza."  

Basically, my husband is slightly afraid of me and thinks I'm somewhat insane.

That works for me.  

He bases these opinions on two things, and two things only:

Number One:  My vast and frightening knowledge of All Things Serial Killer, and

Number Two:  My obsession with pouring over Victorian Death Photos.

In a past life, I'm pretty sure I was either a mortician or a serial killer.  Maybe both.

But I digress.  In my defense...

First of all, what's wrong with being able to identify and discuss at length the habits, murders, and biographies of every serial killer known to man?  Is there a problem with that?  I mean, yes... I watch Criminal Minds and play "Name That Psychopath" as their story line plays out and 19 times out of 20 I can identify the killer they are basing each episode on.  (Except for the ones they invent... idiots.  Like that really awful episode where Reid gets into the mind of a boy with Autism whose parents were abducted and together they crack the case.  What a load of crap.  Someone did NOT do their homework on THAT episode.  I've watched it twice and both times it pissed me off.  Stick to reality, Network Gods.  Inventing a scenario where a psychologist can communicate with a non-verbal child with severe autism whose PARENTS can't even unlock his mind is extreme and utter bullshit.  Okay, I'm done now.  Moving on...)

Wait... what was I talking about?

Oh yes.  How my obsession with psychotic killers is perfectly normal.

Which is why, when I saw this photo of Vanessa Paradis (Johnny Depp's woman) my first thought was, "Oh my God... she looks so familiar..."

I showed the picture to Dan and said, "Who does she look like?  It's been bugging me all day."

Dan:  *wrinkling his nose*  "Ummm... I don't know, but she's not pretty."

Me:  "Yeah yeah yeah whatever... I'm not talking about her attractiveness.  Who does she look like?"




Me:  *lightbult moment*  "OH MY GOD... SHE LOOKS LIKE AILEEN WUORNOS!!!"

Dan:  "Who?"



Me:  "You know... Aileen Wuornos."

Dan:  "Dani, you can keep saying it, but I'm still not going to know who that is."

Me:  "How can you not know who Aileen Wuonos is?  She was that prostitute in Florida who killed the men who picked her up and robbed them.  She was put to death like 10 years ago or something.  She's one of this country's most notorious female serial killers!"


Me:  *googling frantically to find a photo to compare*

Dan:  "You're not right."

Me:  *finding an image*  "I know, right?  But look.  Dead ringer.  She should have played the part in Monster instead of Chalize Theron.  Dude, this is freaky."

Dan:  "No, Dani.  YOU'RE freaky."

Potato, potawto, am I right?

But seriously, look at this: 

Serial Killer



And then there are the Victorian Death Photos.

Okay, I acknowledge that this might be a little creepy.  But I challenge anyone (who isn't Dan... he won't even LOOK at the photos) to peruse the photos online and NOT get sucked in.

A little history:

In the Victorian era, photographs were expensive.  For many people, the first and only time they were photographed was after they had passed away, thus allowing their family a keepsake of them and how they looked.

Many of the photographs were posed, as if the dead person were still alive.  Family members posed with them, and if you look closely at many of the family portraits, you can play a rousing game of "Guess Who's Dead?"  

(Sidebar:  There were not a lot of pretty people back in Victorian times, which occasionally makes it a little difficult to tell the living from the corpse.  True story.)

You will never look at old timey family photos the same away again.  Trust me.

"I'm SOOOOO pissed that I'm dead!  Friggin' rigor  mortis!"

"WTF, Mom?  Why are you making me hug my sister?"

She's always been a little stiff... "Frigid Bitch" doesn't quite  cover it...

She's always been the pretty sister!  It's not fair!

 Okay, I'm done.  Maybe.  

Okay, I'm not.  

Let's play one final round of "Guess Who's Dead?"

Hmm?  Hmmm?  Any ideas?

Upon rereading this, I'm beginning to think I may need a new hobby.  Perhaps I'll take up knitting.

(See what happens when you complain about disgusting naked photos?  I'll bring on the dead.  Challenge... ACCEPTED.)


  1. WHAT?!? You aren't going to give us the friggin answers? They all look half dead, Dani, but I need to know which ones are REALLY dead.

    At first I thought Dan might be just a little right about the whole Victorian photograph thing, but no. As soon as you started talking about people posing with corpses, you had me.

    Oh yeah, and Vanessa vs. Aileen? Yes, creepy resemblance.

    1. See??? NOT JUST ME.

      Okay, in order:

      1. The woman standing.

      2. The brother.

      3. The bride (obviously).

      4. Again, the one standing. (Creepy, right?)

      5. The one in the middle. *shudder*

      Is it wrong that I'm a little jealous that MY doppleganger doesn't look like a notorious serial killer? That's what I get for being so freaking perky.

  2. My wife no longer gets to have Criminal Minds playing on the living room teleBision while I am in the kitchen cooking, because it is plain view and super irritates me. She has to watch it in the bedroom. I can't stand things horror really, and for some strange reason that I have no idea why they did it, I received a Zombie protection & hunting book for a Christmas present! Freaked me out, I sent it back to the giver and they thought I was rude.

    1. See, my husband can't stand Criminal Minds either, or any of the other 16 billion true crime shows that I DVR and watch obsessively. So I make HIM go watch TV in the bedroom. Your wife and I need to chat.

      Meanwhile... Dude, seriously... Don't send a gift back. If you don't like it, donate it.

      Just sayin'.

      Otherwise, my grandma (bless her heart) would have gotten back every gift she ever sent me.

      No lie.

  3. Ken also believes that there's something slightly off about me because I was really bored at work one day when I had to be in the office and I spent 4 hours looking up all the sordid details of Madison's settlement days suicides. A few of my residential buildings are actually homes to some pretty morbid murder-suicides, one of which is also an old sorority house.

    It's fascinating shit and that thirst for knowledge is perfectly natural, dammit!

  4. I've fallen-in viewing death photos from time to time and find it fascinating . . . but I've *never* seen the bodies posed before. Dayum, it's really hard to tell who's alive and who's not. It amazes me that they could pose them so naturally, and freakin' *standing*, no less, with open eyes that don't have that "death look" to them.

  5. Deb... they actually painted the eyes on the lids on some of them to make them appear more life-like. I find this subject fascinating. FASCINATING.

  6. Okay. THAT is pretty creepy. I feel bad for the kids...the dead ones AND the living ones that were forced to post with them.

    1. The dead baby pics are really hard for me to look at, so I tend to avoid those. Sadly, those are the most common.

      Most Victorian era pics of babies and children are actually post mortum, but many collectors have no idea because they are posed in such a life-like way. *creepy music*

  7. First, I love the new format! Being able to respond to each comment rocks! know I love you lots and lots right? Ok, keep that in mind when I tell you.....I think Dan may have a point. That shit is freaky! I would not have guessed it was the girl STANDING and not the two old people sitting. Ever. So wrong!

    I can't believe I'm gonna say this but.....can we just go back to the disgusting naked fat people, please? Cool, thanks.

    1. Is it freaky... or is it freaking AWESOME? Hmmmmm?


      Come to the darrrrkkkk siiiiiide, Mistyyyy... I'm saving a seat for youuuu...

  8. Ummmm, nope. She looks like Sigourney Weaver, Ghostbusters-era. Really casts a pall over current day tintype studios...

    1. I'm such a kill-joy...

      Seriously, how can you NOT see Aileen Wuornos?? She looks like she just shot a John and stole his clothes.


I'm a total comment whore... Leave me a message after the beep. *pause* *pause* *pause* BEEP!