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Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

06 January 2012

Moobs: The Men, The Mystery




I decided to tune in to Biggest Loser this week, mainly to motivate myself to get off my ass so that one day I don't wind up on national tv in lycra shorts and a sports bra, sharing my flab with the world.

Instead, I was transfixed by the blatant display of man breasts parading up to the giant scale.

And I asked myself:

"Why is that shit not censored?"

I mean, seriously... Saggy woman tits?  Would never be on display during prime time viewing.  Or any other time.

Fabulous woman tits?  While we get to view them scantily clad and nipping like crazy on pretty much every television show under the sun, they still aren't proudly naked and bouncing happily for all our eyes to behold.

Saggy man tits, on the other hand?

Apparently, this is something we all need to see.

Let's review:




Her tatas are covered, because we would all have to pluck out an eye, as it would obviously offend us.  His  glorious man breasts, on the other hand, are proudly flopping around while we all look on and cheer.




Remember all the hullaballoo when Janet Jackson had a costume fail at the superbowl?  It cost the NFL gazillions of dollars because her naked breast with a nipple shield on national tv destroyed the lives and the innocence of our entire country.  People were in therapy for years after that one boob flashed across their screens, larger than life and possibly in high def.  

We were a nation in crisis.

I'm sorry to force you all to relive this tragic moment, but let's all face our fears, shall we?

MY EYES!  MY EYES!!  OHHH, THE HUMANITY!!


Thank God that's over.  


Let's take another look...

Just fine for Prime Time:























Porn:





One more time...

Good naked:




Completely unacceptable and BAD naked:


Oops... wrong side... My bad...

 


Too big:

 


Too small:



Juuuuuust right:



Now you know.