Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

05 January 2012

A Slacker's Guide to Getting Nothing Done

1.  Wake up in the morning with big plans and a list of things to accomplish.

I am Woman.  Watch me accomplish lots of stuff.

2.  Make coffee.

3.  Drink coffee.

4.  Watch Maury.

This shit's impo-tant, yo.

5.  Get dressed and motivated to Get Shit Done.

6.  Rest, as getting dressed required energy and basically, you have none.

7.  Watch Wife Swap.  

Don't forget the gar-giles...

8.  Make lunch.

9.  Rest, as making lunch required energy you don't have.

10.  Look at list.

11.  Decide to blog, as it requires no energy.  (Plus you can do it while watching trash television.  In fact, sometimes it HELPS to watch trash television while blogging.)

12.  Stare at computer while absolutely nothing happens inside your head.

"Dani isn't here right now, Mrs. Torrance..."
13.  Check Facebook.

14.  Make jigsaw puzzle online.

15.  Make another jigsaw puzzle online.

16.  Check email.

17.  Read blogs written by other people who actually have thoughts in their heads.

18.  Hate them for being more clever than you.

19.  Bring up own blog with determination to get something written.

20.  Stare blankly at computer screen.


21.  Realize it's time for Dr. Phil.

22.  Multi-task by staring at computer screen and watching Dr. Phil change someone else's life.

23.  Decide you could do Dr. Phil's job.

24.  Become resentful that you don't have Dr. Phil's job.

25.  Wonder how Rachael Ray got her own talk show.

26.  Hate on Rachael Ray.

27.  Google "I hate rachael ray" and see if anything comes up.

28.  Shockingly, something does.

I'm pretty sure she's having a massive foodgasm here.   "E...V... O... O... Ohhh... OHHHHH...."

29.  Realize husband will be home in less than an hour

30.  Scramble frantically around house trying to make it look like you didn't spend the day sitting on ass.

31.  Spend the evening resting, recuperating from a long day of doing nothing.

I love it when a plan comes together.


  1. That's my days off, minus the television, and adding in computer games and reading of books and watching of movies and pretending not to see that the bathroom needs to be cleaned. Effortless slackery, my favorite!

  2. I should probably not link you to Angry Birds or we may never hear from you again.

  3. Does it make you feel better that I actually envy your ability to just sit around the house and do nothing all day? No? Oh well, worth a try. Now go clean the bathroom or something, ho!

  4. Is it weird that I think that sounds exhausting? My day:

    Go to work
    Sit at work
    Come home
    Sit on couch
    Read blogs whilst sitting

  5. Switch Maury for HGTV and Dr. Phil for Everybody Loves Raymond reruns and you have my day.

  6. Well are you making the pornographic jigsaw puzzles yet? Because I see those making money!!

    And, you should totally have Dr. Phil's job. You project well to the camera lens. Dr. Phil? Not so much. Plus he's bald.

  7. Dani, yer a girl after mah own heart, LOL!

    Ooh! Porno puzzles would be hifreakinglarious! Online, in-hand, both of 'em (once upon a time, I usedta make porno marzipan; that was always fun . . . and tasty!). :D

  8. I am proudly, defiantly and efficiently slothful. I don't see the problem here....The only reason I go to work is because I get all my blogging done there.


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