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Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

05 January 2012

A Slacker's Guide to Getting Nothing Done



1.  Wake up in the morning with big plans and a list of things to accomplish.

I am Woman.  Watch me accomplish lots of stuff.

2.  Make coffee.

3.  Drink coffee.

4.  Watch Maury.

This shit's impo-tant, yo.

5.  Get dressed and motivated to Get Shit Done.

6.  Rest, as getting dressed required energy and basically, you have none.

7.  Watch Wife Swap.  

Don't forget the gar-giles...

8.  Make lunch.

9.  Rest, as making lunch required energy you don't have.

10.  Look at list.

11.  Decide to blog, as it requires no energy.  (Plus you can do it while watching trash television.  In fact, sometimes it HELPS to watch trash television while blogging.)

12.  Stare at computer while absolutely nothing happens inside your head.

"Dani isn't here right now, Mrs. Torrance..."
13.  Check Facebook.

14.  Make jigsaw puzzle online.

15.  Make another jigsaw puzzle online.

16.  Check email.

17.  Read blogs written by other people who actually have thoughts in their heads.

18.  Hate them for being more clever than you.

19.  Bring up own blog with determination to get something written.

20.  Stare blankly at computer screen.

GAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

21.  Realize it's time for Dr. Phil.

22.  Multi-task by staring at computer screen and watching Dr. Phil change someone else's life.

23.  Decide you could do Dr. Phil's job.

24.  Become resentful that you don't have Dr. Phil's job.

25.  Wonder how Rachael Ray got her own talk show.

26.  Hate on Rachael Ray.

27.  Google "I hate rachael ray" and see if anything comes up.

28.  Shockingly, something does.

I'm pretty sure she's having a massive foodgasm here.   "E...V... O... O... Ohhh... OHHHHH...."

29.  Realize husband will be home in less than an hour

30.  Scramble frantically around house trying to make it look like you didn't spend the day sitting on ass.

31.  Spend the evening resting, recuperating from a long day of doing nothing.

I love it when a plan comes together.