Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

31 May 2012

Random Thoughts, In No Particular Order...

How is Mario Batali NOT gay?  That just seems so... unnatural.  I think The Gays need to recruit him and then do something about the orange Crocs and his hair.

Point = Made.

In other news, I was UNFOLLOWED on my blog.  Since I only have like 6 followers, I instantly notice when the number goes up or down.

This is the first time it's gone down.

Was it something I said?

Something I did?

Did I commit a hideous faux pas by showing up in the same gown as this particular follower at the Oscars??

One thing I know for sure...

It couldn't POSSIBLY have been something I WROTE.

Dear Unfollower,



Moving right along, I happened to stumble across this story.  In a nutshell, a Pentecostal Minister was engaging in a snake handling ceremony, during which, while proving that if you have faith in Jesus Christ, you won't get bit, he got bit by a rattlesnake and died.
The ironic part was that his daddy also got bit by a rattlesnake and died while proving, during a snake handling ceremony, that if you have faith if Jesus Christ, you won't get bit.

"Looky here while I stick my finger in the viper's mouth... begone, Satan!  Ow... Shit!  He bit me!"

Very briefly, I feel the need to mention The Donald's hair:

Seriously.... WHAT THE FUCK??

There is so much going on there that I don't even know where to begin.  He almost looks like a Chinese Crested dog.

The resemblance is uncanny, yes?

Last but not least, Dan had a sleep study thingy done last week.  In case you're new here, his snoring is so extreme as to be LEGENDARY.  LE. GEN. DAIR. EEEE.

It finally came to the point where I gently but firmly encouraged him to discuss the issue with his primary care physician.

Me:  "Get something done about this snoring or I'm going to be forced to kill you in your sleep."

Dan's doctor arranged for him to have some lame-ass in-home sleep study where they attached a wrist thingy that looked like a watch with a little finger attachment, which supposedly gauges the amount of oxygen in your blood to determine if you have sleep apnea.  (Because apparently, we breathe through our fingertips.)

Which he does.  He stops breathing some times for so long that I have to actually weigh the pros of cons of nudging him awake or enjoying the peace and quiet.  (I kid, I kid... *cough*)


Nurse, on the phone with me:  "We have the results of Daniel's sleep study... all his oxygen levels are normal!"

(She said, sounding perky as hell, as if she weren't signing his death warrant.)

Me:  "What?"

Her:  "His results are normal!!"

Me:  "You're a LYING ASS."

Okay, not really.  I did express polite disbelief, may have cried a few tears, and finally convinced her to sign him up for one of those studies where he GOES somewhere and sleeps and THEY have to listen to him freaking snore for EIGHT FUCKING HOURS.

When Dan came home, I informed him of the results and he seemed to have the (incorrect) idea that everything was fine and basically, life would go on as usual.

He was sorely, SORELY mistaken.


*Sidebar:  In case you're wondering about my ghetto profile pic at the top of my blog, I was feeling kind of bad-ass.  Because, as we all know, there is nothing more bad-ass than a 49 year old white woman in a do-rag.  //flashing my gang signs

Bitches and hos, bitches and hos, I's gonna git me some bitches and hos...

(I had to move the picture down because SOME people THOUGHT IT LOOKED CREEPY, MISTY'S LAWS.)

I stole the look and the gang signs from my son, Notorious K.A.C.E.Y.

Maisy is embarrassed for us both.

Peace out, home skillets.


  1. There. I'm following you. Now you have 6 again. I'm telling you . . . politics and religion. It scares off all the pussies. (I never get those emails but always see when you post on FB anyway, but whatevs).

    That gang pic up top is freaky. Bring back regular lovely Dani, please. I'm afraid the current one is about to cap my ass!

    1. There. I changed it. And totally blamed you for it at the bottom of the blog post, because I'm all about finger pointing.

      Ah well... While I do believe it's in the world's best interest to agree with everything I say, I'm pretty sure I'd get bored after awhile without any reason to climb up on my High Horse and go for a ride.

  2. Ooh, I hate unfollowers! It always happens after a totally random post that couldn't possibly offend ANYONE (yes, I DO occasionally have one of those...shut up)and then I spend all day wondering why nobody loves me. Pfft! Haters gotta hate, yo. We love you, Dani! xoxo

    1. I hate unfollowers AND unfrienders. Just because I hate THEM doesn't mean they get to HATE ME BACK. Assholes.

      I love you more!!

  3. I don't take it personally when people unfollow 'cause I unfollow people all the time when I just have other blogs I'd rather keep up with. Plus, I'm an ass and some people can't take it. Haha.

    I laughed about the snake handler story too. Oh, the humanity!

    1. I never unfollow people because I'm afraid I'll hurt their feelings. I just ignore them.

      Oh, the snake handler... the poor, poor snake handler... Who knew a live rattlesnake could bite someone and kill them, even with Jesus by their side?

      Shakin' my dayum head, y'all... Someone shoulda told the snake the rules.

  4. I lost a follower the other day too! I'd like to think they deleted their account. Anyhoo, I saw that snake thing. I didn't feel that bad for the guy.

    1. Maybe it was the same follower and it's a conspiracy, because they heard I was going to make you Mayor of Hell after I got there.

      Jealousy... that's what it is. Jealousy.

  5. If I knew how to follow you I would.

  6. Nevermind, I figured it out. Just like I figured out my haunted 10 yr old TV today.

  7. Just followed you and got your number to an even 68,000, I must win something for that :-)

  8. Nothing makes me happier than someone from high school finding me on FB, then defriending me after being "offended" by my cursing and ravings on such epic topics as "Batwings: When balls stick to thighs" and "Are you prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse? Or are you a pussy?"

    My thoughts: Fuck 'em. They aren't good enough to hear what you have to say anyway.



  9. I get followed and unfollowed on twitter with startling regularity. At first I was offended, but after it happened for the dozenth time I was like, whatever.

  10. Fuck the unfollower! They have no idea what they'll be missing in the future!

    Good luck with the snoring.

  11. I think I read somewhere that Mario Batali IS gay.
    The unfollower can eat shit and DIE!!


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