Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

07 August 2012

The Book of Revelations, Part One...

Am I really too sexy for my body?

So I've been packing.  And packing.  And packing.

This is what I've learned about myself:

There is no reason for me to have 45374856 coffee mugs.  No reason.  I know, with absolute certainty, that I will never be in a situation where I need to serve coffee to 45374856 people.  Never.

I have an unfortunate habit of using salad dressing one time, forgetting I have it, and buying a new bottle every time I go to the store.  Because everyone needs 13 bottles of the same kind of salad dressing in their fridge at all times.

I have never, in my lifetime apparently, finished an entire jar of pickles.  I seem to get bored with the bottle when there is one pickle left and then buy more without bothering to toss the lone pickle in the jar at the back of the fridge.  This is why there are no less than 7 jars of pickles in my fridge where one sad little dill resides.

I have 7892746 socks but only 12 of them match.  Not twelve pairs... twelve socks.

It turns out I left a box of Christmas ornaments on top of the fridge, conveniently hidden behind a large Betty Boop cookie jar.   Who knew?

I seem to have bought a bag of potatoes (which I never do... we don't eat that many potatoes) at some point in the past year and am now growing my own in a dark hidden corner of the pantry.

My dogs will never, ever, run out of Pupperoni.  It's another thing I seem to buy every time I go to the store and then forget I bought it, so I buy more.  I'm pretty sure this means that Javi and Maisy have to live forever, yes?

I'm a book hoarder.  I can't get rid of books.  I'm like one of those awful people on Hoarding:  Buried Alive who sob and cling to a slice of bologna that expired in 1987 and can't bring themselves to throw it away.  Only with books, which is less disgusting but takes up a whole lot more room.  I've been packing books for two days and I'm still not finished.  (It might go more quickly if I'd stop reading them as I pack them but that's neither here nor there.)

After packing all 657 pairs of Dan's underwear, I can safely assume he will never need to buy any again, ever.  I have no idea why I keep buying underwear for him.  I'm sure there's hidden symbolism in there, somewhere, but I shudder to think what it might be.

I just killed 23 minutes writing this blog.  Which indicates that I may or may not be a huge procrastinator.


  1. Well, honey chile, I can say that I've gotten rid of a lot of stuff recently and bought all the necessary packing supplies, but I haven't packed a damn thing. And I move in 24 days. I win so hard at procrastination that it has to be some kind of illegal.

  2. Sigh.. Glad to know I'm not alone! Procrastinators unite!

  3. I am a huge procrastinator. However, your many jars of pickles and growing potatoes made me nervous. I put something on my grocery list as soon as I am close to running out of it. I am way too anal retentive. Yet every time I move, I still find way too many books I don't need. I have a Kindle and "stopped buying books." Yeah right.

  4. Oh my gosh, I've accidentally grown potatoes too. I was so grossed out when I discovered they were sprouting that it took me another week to work up the gumption to toss them.

    PS, I've fallen behind in my blogroll. I need to play catch up and figure out why you're packing!

  5. Glad the potatoes just grew, because man are they STINKY when they use their powers for evil! This next boring service announcement comes from the paid (not professional) organizer in me: you can save so much money knowing what is in the cupboards and fridge!

    1. Oh, but the book thing? Totally acceptable! Although I did start parting with ones I realized I really didn't want to reread or pass on...took them to the used bookstore and traded for...MORE BOOKS--YIPPEE!

  6. Fellow book hoarder here. The last time I counted and went through mine I had 186 of them. I couldn't believe it, 186 books! I could open my own library! lol Of course I couldn't bring myself to throw out. I figure, one day my girls are going to go to college and the books I have are pretty timeless so they'll thank me later when they can come to mommys book shelf instead of spending $400 on literature books they may or may not read again. Once upon a time I was an English Lit day i'll finish that dream.

  7. We took at least FIVE boxes of books and donated them to the library last weekend. I feel your pain!!

  8. I'm a book hoarder, too. People actually told me they'll help me move, just not my books. That's why I bought a Kindle.

  9. I'm a book hoarder too, and I was spending like $200 a month on new AND used books. I didn't even read them all, but I felt compelled to buy new reading material "just in case". So my boyfriend bought me a Kindle, thinking it would save on space and money since there are tons of free and cheap books available on amazon. It did help save on space and money, but now I hoard books on my Kindle. Free book about zombies? Gotta download it! Free book about amoebas? It's FREE - gotta download it! I have dozens of books that I downloaded that I have no interest in reading, but they were free, or $.99, and I HAD TO HAVE THEM. Just in case. I know I could delete them, but no.

  10. I was a book hoarder, too, until I got an iPad. I'm much better about it now. I took something like 4 boxes of books to 1/2 books and sold them for a few hundred bucks.


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