Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

16 December 2011

It all ended with me being left speechless...

You know how you have those days where even though you're sick, you're almost 49, and you started out your morning by burning your husband's crotch with scalding liquid, you still manage to pull it all together and head out for your long day of shopping feeling okay and maybe even a little sassy and cute?  And you kind of catch a glimpse of yourself in your review mirror rockin' your Ed Hardy bling bling shades and your hair kind of spiky and punked out, and you're all, "Uh huh... I may be fat and almost 50 but DAYUM I'm fine..."

And even though you're wearing Ugg boots (truly the second ugliest shoe known to man... Crocs are first, FYI) because you're going to be on your feet for a LONGGG-ass time, you're still workin' it when you sashay into the Walmart and prop your shades on top of your head (because seriously, only the fabulous can own that look)...

And then...

THIS happens.

Some old bitch has to totally shit all over your parade.

I was standing in line at the pharmacy, minding my own business (I make it a rule to NEVER make eye contact or strike up a conversation with people waiting in a line to pick up meds... I learned THAT lesson the hard way) when I happened to notice that the elderly woman in front of me was staring at me as if I were a mirage.

I smiled dismissively at her and looked away (I'm sorry, but old people scare me) and that's when she approached me (GAHHH!  NOOO!  NOOO!  WHERE IS MY DAMNED CLOAK OF INVISIBILITY!!!) and said...

"You certainly are interesting looking!"

Me:  *blink*  *blink*

Interesting looking?  What does that mean??!!

Like... this?

"I refer to my look as "interesting."

Or... this??

"Dear Glamour Shots, Thank you SO much for capturing my aura of "interestingness" so magically!"

I'm frightened... and a little confused.

Well, actually this IS kind of interesting, in an "if I had three boobs I'd  look interesting" kind of way...

But just as I was beginning to wrap my brain around "interesting looking" she followed with...

"At first glance, you look so young..."


As opposed to... second glance?  When I look so old?

First glance...

Second glance...


Thanks a lot, old lady at Walmart... THANKS A LOT. 


  1. It's really too bad sometimes that there's some kind of rule about back-handing old peoples. Especially when they back-hand you first with that kind of statement.
    May she wake up tomorrow to be "interesting-looking"...and not in a good way.
    You could set the geese on her!

  2. Number one, if you woke up tomorrow morning with three boobs like that, she'd only be saying it out of jealousy. Number 2, you have to remember, their eyesight is horrible, and they need to be reminded of their increasingly severe Macular Degeneration.

    You're still a hot mama. Fuck that rickety old whore.

  3. Some of those who are 'older than dirt' ... think everyone everywher is intitled to their opinion and/or observations. Rude is rude [no matter their age]. Ignore 'it' ... walk away!

  4. Nope. Uh-uh. I for one, think you are hot. And number two, my husband asked me how old you are, after looking at your header pic, and when I told him late forties he gave me an incredulous look and said 'Really?' He leaned over to inspect your pic again and asked me if I was sure. His eyesight is 20/20, and he certainly didn't refer to you as 'interesting looking', whatever the hell that means.

    On a completely different note, I once worked with a woman that had four boobs - two were in her arm pits (smaller than the front-facing ones, but clearly boobs). And no, I am not kidding, she showed them to me. It was kinda traumatic.

  5. Four boobs? Mother of God. I probably would have wanted to see them, but after seeing them, would have been traumatized, as well.

    I knew a woman who had double girly parts but fortunately, she wasn't a "sharer."

    Though I confess to rampant curiosity.

    I told Dan what she said and his contribution to the conversation was NOT HELPFUL.

  6. I'm very much with you on the importance of never speaking to anybody in a pharmacy line. Especially if the individual is over 60 years of age. On one occasion, when a very old lady in front of me in line struck up a dialogue with me (the pharmacy was taking forever), I mistakenly talked with her instead of running in the other direction. She proceeded to list all her symptoms, then described the frequency, texture, shape, and size of her frequent bowel movements to me. I'm killing myself at 50.

  7. WTF? What a bizarre interaction. Maybe next time smile and laugh and go "Hahah, well as long as I dont look as old as you hahhahah"

  8. Old ladies are the biggest douche bags. She probably had really bad eyesight. I wouldn't take it too personally.

  9. TODAY IS YOUR BIRTHDAY!! Just thought I'd mention, in case you forgot. :)

    Hope you are having a fantastic day with your boys and girl.

    Happy Birthday babe!!


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