Okay, besides that. And that.
*pause*
Fine, so I have a fairly broad definition of "worst possible thing."
(This just in: I may or may not have a slight tendency to overly dramatize the direness of my horrible situations. Deal with it.)
ANYWAY.
SUNDAY, Dan and I babysat his nieces and his nephew (they're currently only his because of what happens next). Jessie, the 8 year old, spent the entire afternoon refusing to use a tissue to wipe her runny little nose.
She determined that her hand, her wrist, and her sleeve would do just fine, thank you very much.
For three hours:
Me: "Jessie, would you like a tissue?"
Jessie: *sniff sniff sniffle snuffle wipe* "No."
Me: "Jessie, let me get you a tissue."
(Rule One for encouraging positive behavior: Change your question to a statement. It never works, but it's in the books.)
Jessie: *snuffle wipe* "No thank you."
Me: "Jessie, here's a tissue."
(See how persistent I am? See how professional and how knowledgeable I am at getting children to do what they need to do without turning into a ranting, screaming bitch?)
Jessie: *sniffle wipe*
Me: *holding out tissue*
Jessie: *ignoring me*
(I should probably say here, before anyone says anything bad about my girl Jessie, that she is special needs and an amazingly darling child. I love her to pieces and get tons of pleasure out of spending time with her. I just wanted her to blow her freaking nose.)
Me: *GOD I'm persistent* "Jessie, let Aunt Dani help you blow your nose."
Jessie: *smiling at me sweetly and shaking her head no*
Crap.
Ad infintum.
Two days later:
Me: *cough cough sniffle*
Dan: (Oh, you KNOW it's coming...)
 |
| "Dani, I'm SICKKKK!" |
GAHHHH!
Meanwhile, I'm getting super excited about my boys coming to visit. Kacey and Danielle will be here the 19th and Brennan will be here the 20th. I'm all giddy and happy and making lists of all the goodies I'm going to bake for them.
As I was making my list (and checking it twice) of all the ingredients I need to buy to make nutmeg logs, sugar cookies, Russian Tea Cakes, eggnog fudge, and all the favorites of Christmas (to make up for the year I was dying of pneumonia and didn't bake anything, which I have never been forgiven for and you can read about here) I had an epiphany.
Okay, maybe not so much an epiphany but a sudden realization of where exactly I fucked up in my move from California:
I left ALL OF MY COOKIE SHEETS AND BAKING PANS IN THE DRAWER IN THE BOTTOM OF THE OVEN. IN CALIFORNIA. 3000 MOTHERFUCKING MILES AWAY.
ALL OF THEM. ALLLLLL OF THEM.
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
I HAVE NO COOKIE SHEETS OR BAKING PANS.
Okay, maybe not so much an epiphany but a sudden realization of where exactly I fucked up in my move from California:
I left ALL OF MY COOKIE SHEETS AND BAKING PANS IN THE DRAWER IN THE BOTTOM OF THE OVEN. IN CALIFORNIA. 3000 MOTHERFUCKING MILES AWAY.
ALL OF THEM. ALLLLLL OF THEM.
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
I HAVE NO COOKIE SHEETS OR BAKING PANS.
 |
| Is it just me, or does she look like she's getting ready to make a fart noise? |
Right?
I'm seriously irritated, because what this means exactly is that the gift certificate that Dan's mom gave me for my birthday is going to be spent on freaking COOKIE SHEETS.
"What did you get for your birthday, Dani?"
"Cookie sheets!"
Fuck.
Meanwhile....
 |
| The 20th. Make a note. |
Just think of the joy [such an expenditure] will bring to your boys.
ReplyDelete/(',')\
ReplyDeleteI know:) I'm not actually broken hearted about it. I think I get as much joy out of baking for them as they do out of eating their special holiday favorites.
ReplyDeleteEsbboston: UBER clever. Color me impressed. I crown thee King of the Emoticon!!! (And I'm also officially going to use that as often as possible.)
ReplyDelete/','\
ReplyDeleteLove it. Even though it took me an embarrassingly long time to find my right slash mark.
Well crap. I did it wrong.
ReplyDelete/(',')\
Sheesh. I'd make a HORRIBLE nerd.
That disappoints me.
Aww, sweetie . . . you are a perfectly wonderful nerd. How long did you sit there practicing making that thing? Yep, see. Great nerd.
ReplyDeleteI always forget about that space beneath the oven. I have left many a cookie sheet there in past moves. Maybe just call the current owners and ask them to ship them to you right quick, yes? Oh, ok, fine. Go buy some more. But don't say I didn't give you an option.
Why haven't you emailed me your address for a xmas card, hmmm? Do eet! It'll make you feeel good. All the other cool kids are doing it. I'll only put it in a little. Um, wait, what were we talking about?
Ick! Kids are sticky and sniffly and icky. Drink some juice.
ReplyDeleteAnd that SUCKS about the baking sheets. I hate it when I forget something at my parents' house, a mere 50 miles away.
Wow, so I had a comment all ready to go over your post, but then I was reading the other comments, and now...well, now I just figured out where right slash is on my keyboard.
ReplyDeleteI am planning a move TO California soon so I'll try to rescue your cookie sheets... unless they are in SoCal... in which case I can't drive that far. :D I am planning to leave all my cookie sheets in South Dakota and buy new when I get there. If you're near here you can have mine!
ReplyDeleteMy family loves Russian Tea Cakes and Nutmeg Cookie Logs, too. I'm the designated baker. But now...now!....you have me drooling over the idea of eggnog fudge...dear gawd in heaven.
ReplyDelete