Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

05 December 2011

Tis the Effin' Season, Y'all

*Author's note:  No Jesuses were harmed in the writing of this blog.

Yeah, I get it, Christmas is coming.  Everyone is focused on the birth of Jesus.  Son of God, born in a manger; wisemen, shepherds and angels arrived with gifts for the Big Moment...  Even the freaking cattle were lowing.

Party in Jesus's crib!

Yes, Jesus, we get it... you're kind of a big deal.

You know who else was born on December 25th?  No?

Humphrey Bogart, that's who.
Not to mention Elton John's baby, Zachary.  That's right, Jesus... Bogey and Zachary, also on December 25th.  Was there a Star in the East that night?

I didn't think so.

But what about the rest of us born in December?

Where's the love and party hats for Baby Face Nelson?

If only I'd had one gift wrapped in birthday paper, I wouldn't have had to turn to a life of crime...

Has anyone ever approached you and said, "Hey... Happy Brad Pitt's birthday!"

Charm, money, fame, fortune, good looks... can't compete with Jesus.

Furthermore, what about me?

Where's the "Happy Birthday Dani" paper?

I am Olive, the other reindeer.  

I am Brian, born in the manger across the street from Jesus.

I am Dani, born five freaking days before Christmas.

Sorry we can't come see your baby... we're at Jesus's party.

I never got to open the window on the Advent Calendar on Christmas because I always had to open it on my birthday, so my sister got to open the Christmas window every. single. year.

My birthday parties had to be held earlier in December because otherwise, no one would have been able to come.  I would have flocks of little girls at my birthday, all handing me gifts wrapped in Christmas paper, with Gene Autrey Sings Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer records inside, or cheap dime store snow globes or ugly plastic ornaments that to this day I still have to hang on my tree.  

I hated all the fucking snow globes.

Thank God it's not something fun, like a Barbie!

My birthday has been overshadowed by Jesus and HIS big day for almost 49 freaking years.

You can never have enough copies of this!!

One might say I'm a little bitter.

And then, this year, this happened:

My son Kacey called to let me know that he and his wife would be coming to visit us in New York sometime in December.

I was beyond ecstatic.  Kacey is being deployed to Afghanistan after the first of the year and I was so afraid I wouldn't get to see him before he left.

My baby is a hero.

Kacey:  *on the phone*  "I'm not sure when I can get leave, but I'll try to get there around the 19th or the 20th."

Except this is how he still looks to me.

Me:  *not caring when he gets here, so long as he gets here*  "Well, it would be nice to have you for Christmas!  But I don't care when you come... just get here!  It'll be Christmas whenever you arrive."

Kacey:  "Oh yeah, I forgot about Christmas.  I just wanted to be there for your birthday."

That's right, Jesus... he wanted to be here for MY birthday.

Thank you.

We  love our Mommy most.


  1. A hero, indeed! How sweet! My dad's birthday was the 28th, and we followed the law of wrapping birthday presents in birthday paper. It's the right thing to do, dammit.

  2. That is a super fantastic ending to that rant you were so entitled to! Make sure you get a BIG cake (with no traces of red or green frosting!)

  3. Aww, now that is a good son!

    I feel you on this one - My birthday is the day before Valentine's Day, which isn't as bad as Christmas, but I certainly hated getting a heart shaped cake every year. Not to mention the two-birds-with-one-gift from pretty much every boyfriend I ever had.

  4. Ahhh yes, the "Happy birthday/Merry Christmas" type present. Always fun. Or "This is your birthday and your Christmas gift this year because I can't afford to do both." Such joy.

  5. Yay, your son is coming for your birthday!!

    Also? I got you this snowglobe with Roy Rogers sings We Wish You a Merry Christmas inside . . . are you saying I should take it back and just get you booze instead? Oh, ok then.

  6. Dear Misty, Booze trumps snowglobe. Love, Dani

  7. Awww that's so sweet!

    I never got to open the window on the Advent Calendar on Christmas because I always had to open it on my birthday, so my sister got to open the Christmas window every. single. year.

    OH MY GOD THAT IS SO NOT FAIR. As a younger sibling, I'm a big believer in fairness. And that is just so not right.

  8. Yeehaw! Son coming for your birthday is the best birthday present EVER!

    We will, however, expect a birthday post. How else will we toast your birthday with virtual booze?

  9. You are wonderful ... as are your sons.

  10. I heart this...really, really, REALLY heart this.

  11. It really is :) I can't wait to see them. My youngest son is coming, too. I wish my oldest could make it so I could have all three but I'm incredibly happy that i get to at least see my two youngest and my daughter in law.

  12. I miss my younger son all the time. He left for the Army almost three years ago and went to Iraq for a year, then Australia for a little while. It will be nice to have him back in Texas on a permanent (we hope) basis in about a year. He is such a huge source of humor. At least we have him and his wife home for the holidays soon, another week or so away.

  13. I forgot, Happy Birthday! Sorry you had to leave California. I haven't been to your part of N'York, only to NYC a couple of times. I have been to several parts of California and understand its draw.


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