This is what the inside of my head looks like:
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| *whimper* |
This is what I dreamed about last night:
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| I'm running for the border... |
This is what I looked like in my dream last night while I was running for the border:
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| Yo quiero Taco Bell... |
This is what I would really look like running for the border:
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| Yo.... quiero.... Taco... Bell... |
(As you can see, I'm moving so quickly I'm blurry.)
Okay, that's a lie. This is what I'd actually look like running for the border:
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| YO QUIERO TACO BELL, BITCHES!! |
The liquid diet actually hasn't been that bad, other than my incessant thoughts about nachos. Overall, I haven't been uber hungry and I've had plenty of variety in the drinks I've been consuming. I feel thinner, less bloated, healthier, and have wayyyyy more energy than I have in a while. If it weren't for this goddamned PMS I'd be in a fabulous mood, as well. Instead, I woke up this morning channeling Ozzy Osbourne and have the sudden urge to bite the head off of a live bat. (Or I would, if I weren't so deathly afraid of bats.)
I'm getting tons of exercise, what with running back and forth to the bathroom to pee every 8 seconds and have noticed my usually psychotic cravings for caffeine to be lessening. (What's up with that, right?)
To motivate myself this weekend I watched pretty much nothing but Fatty Motivational Shows, like Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. I got sucked into a Supersize vs Superskinny marathon. (Have you seen this??? That show is appalling but I couldn't stop watching, for some reason... There is no freaking way in hell you could strip me down to my sensible white cotton undergarments and put me next to some anorexic "I just forget to eat" freak and then display my fat, cellulite-ridden ass all over national tv).
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| I always hang out and chat with thin people in my skivvies. |
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| I wonder where my wiener is... |
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| Anyone besides me notice his right boob is bigger than his left? |
Ever totally lose your train of thought while blogging because while you were looking for images of people who appeared on Supersize vs Superskinny, this kept popping up?
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| WTF??!! |
Starvation is making me stupid.
I have NO idea where I was going with this and just kind of lost it all.
*cue sound of dead air*
Lord, this is embarrassing.
Cheers!
Oh holy shit balls! What the hell is that? You do realize that when you post something like that, it can't be unseen right? I am on a diet too and now all I can think about is Taco Bell. And what the F is that hanging off that person's belly???? It looks like a huge WC Fields nose, or a giant's tongue. Whatever the hell it is, I don't think I need a tummy tuck anymore. I have a fricking 6 pack (or at least a 4 pack) compared to that.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome!! I will accept half the fee you would have paid a plastic surgeon for my services.
DeleteI'm a giver.
You would have to choose Mexican food! I am salivating! I dream of Chevy's chimichangas with refried beans and that taste cornbread mash they make and a huge Cadillac margarita. ~drool~
ReplyDeleteI always dream of Mexican food... I'm pretty sure it's the only kind of food there is.
DeleteThat last picture was horrific. Mmmm, Chevy's - wish there was one closer to us. I have their cookbook though.
ReplyDeleteMMmmmmmMexicanfoodMMMMmmmmm...
DeleteMmm...Margaritas. Hubby owes me a date night on Saturday, and I think I know where we're going.
ReplyDeleteRemember, Dani, liquor is liquid too, and after the fatty mcfat fat pics, I'll be leaving early to go drink some.
Liquor is liquid vegetables. Right? Of course right!!! Please share Mexican food porn with me after your date... Describe each bite slowwwwwlyyyyyy...
DeleteI love you, Dani, but god damnit. First, pictures of delicious food I can't have, then that final picture. Have I mentioned how much I hate you, lately? Imma need a bleach brain bath soon, associating with you.
ReplyDelete(Oh, but I gave you something on my blog . . . check it out when you get a chance).
I love Dick! I hate Dick! You suck, Dick!!!
DeleteI saw my mention on your blog... I got all kinds of tingly from it ;)
Thanks, lover!!
xoxoxo
Why is that scale so gigantic? It almost hypnotized me, but then the other photos snapped me right back!
ReplyDeleteI dreamed last night that the giant scale was chasing me.
DeleteTrue story.
It kept saying, "Come back here, FATASSSSS!!"
Quit posting my picture would ya??? Geesh.
ReplyDeleteBut you look so sexy running on the beach towards Taco Bell...
DeleteSonofabitch!! Now I can't eat my cookie!! I don't know if I should be pissed off or thank you!!
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome.
DeleteNo, really... the giving never stops with me
Ummm... what kind of cookie? Details, please....
The tacos look all right, but the two piles of glop on the plate look like baby poop and vomit. No amount of sour cream will make those look edible.
ReplyDeleteAnd that last picture? What the hell did you Google to come up with that? And where are her underpants?
I love refritos frijoles... LOVE THEM.
DeleteMy google history is my deepest shame.
When I die, I want all of my files destroyed so that my children will never know the dark realms of the internet that their mother travels to in order to bring such joy to the massses.
Firstly, what channel is that show on? and Second off: Is that you in the pictures above and if so where is this fat of which you speak?
ReplyDelete