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Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

14 December 2011

Mutant Germ Children and Other Disasters

What is the WORST POSSIBLE THING that could happen during the holidays?

Okay, besides that.  And that.  

*pause*

Fine, so I have a fairly broad definition of "worst possible thing."  

(This just in:  I may or may not have a slight tendency to overly dramatize the direness of my horrible situations.  Deal with it.)




ANYWAY.

SUNDAY, Dan and I babysat his nieces and his nephew (they're currently only his because of what happens next).  Jessie, the 8 year old, spent the entire afternoon refusing to use a tissue to wipe her runny little nose.  

She determined that her hand, her wrist, and her sleeve would do just fine, thank you very much.

For three hours:

Me:  "Jessie, would you like a tissue?"

Jessie:  *sniff sniff sniffle snuffle wipe*  "No."

Me:  "Jessie, let me get you a tissue."

(Rule One for encouraging positive behavior:  Change your question to a statement.  It never works, but it's in the books.)

Jessie:  *snuffle wipe*  "No thank you."

Me:  "Jessie, here's a tissue."

(See how persistent I am?  See how professional and how knowledgeable I am at getting children to do what they need to do without turning into a ranting, screaming bitch?)

Jessie:  *sniffle wipe*  

Me:  *holding out tissue*

Jessie:  *ignoring me*

(I should probably say here, before anyone says anything bad about my girl Jessie, that she is special needs and an amazingly darling child.  I love her to pieces and get tons of pleasure out of spending time with her.  I just wanted her to blow her freaking nose.)

Me:  *GOD I'm persistent*  "Jessie, let Aunt Dani help you blow your nose."

Jessie:  *smiling at me sweetly and shaking her head no*

Crap.

Ad infintum.

Two days later:

Me:  *cough cough sniffle*

Dan:  (Oh, you KNOW it's coming...)

Archived Thread
"Dani, I'm SICKKKK!"



GAHHHH!

Meanwhile,  I'm getting super excited about my boys coming to visit.  Kacey and Danielle will be here the 19th and Brennan will be here the 20th.  I'm all giddy and happy and making lists of all the goodies I'm going to bake for them.  

As I was making my list (and checking it twice) of all the ingredients I need to buy to make nutmeg logs, sugar cookies, Russian Tea Cakes, eggnog fudge, and all the favorites of Christmas (to make up for the year I was dying of pneumonia and didn't bake anything, which I have never been forgiven for and you can read about here) I had an epiphany.


Okay, maybe not so much an epiphany but a sudden realization of where exactly I fucked up in my move from California:


I left ALL OF MY COOKIE SHEETS AND BAKING PANS IN THE DRAWER IN THE BOTTOM OF THE OVEN.  IN CALIFORNIA. 3000 MOTHERFUCKING MILES AWAY.


ALL OF THEM.  ALLLLLL OF THEM.


EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.


I HAVE NO COOKIE SHEETS OR BAKING PANS.













Is it just me, or does she look like she's getting ready to make a fart noise?



Right?

I'm seriously irritated, because what this means exactly is that the gift certificate that Dan's mom gave me for my birthday is going to be spent on freaking COOKIE SHEETS.  

"What did you get for your birthday, Dani?"

"Cookie sheets!"

Fuck.

Meanwhile....

The 20th.  Make a note.