Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

04 June 2012

What I Learned This Weekend

So yesterday I asked a question on my Facebook wall, where only 250 of my closest friends would see it.

Being the wildly intellectual woman that I am, I have a never ending thirst for knowledge.  I needed to know something.  I needed to know BADLY because it's a word I see constantly in the Blogosphere and dammit, I was tired of being out of the loop.  (Kind of like when the whole "planking" thing was going on... I referred to Google and praise be to Jesus, I figured that shit out.)

This time, however, Google was vague.  (Or else I'm stupid, one of the other.)  So I went to the source, the source that I knew would have the answers and be able to explain it to me in words of one syllable or less, so that I would finally freaking get it.

Question, asked intelligently, natch:

"WTF IS A MEME??????????????"

Answers were incredibly helpful, because apparently my friends are much, much smarter than I is:

Answer #1:   Dana:  Yea, I dunno. I think it is a internet picture gone viral, but that's a big giant guess.

Answer #2:   April:  I think I know but can't really describe it other than how Dana has...only I'd add that something "clever" has been added to be "funny".

Answer #3:   Me:  Thank you for making me feel less dumb. I love it when smart people don't know, either.

Further explanation from April.

Then the Smarty-pantses got involved:

Jen:  You know all those cards with smartass phrases you like to post? Well, those are memes. 



Then Betty got involved, and included a French lesson:  meme is french means "the same" so if a phrase or a pic or a saying has become VERY popular and repeated lots and lots all over, it's a "meme." 

(Remember the time I felt like a moron?)

And then?  This happened:

Betty again:  Whatever you do DON'T look up FAP!


Me:  And now, of course, I'm promptly off to do so. THANKS, BETTY.

Betty:  You'll regret it. 

My little fingers typed FAP in Google Images so fast that smoke was literally pouring off of my keyboard.  I was salivating with anticipation when the first image appeared:

Say Whaaaa....?

Followed by:

In my head:  "Ahhh... I get it.  "Fapping" is an anti-masturbation slogan, created by Fox News and the Catholic Church and Ellen Fapper, who is obviously a dynamo in the sack.  I feel holier now for knowing that."

Fapping for Jesus?

Ahhh... I shall be burning in hell, apparently.  I'd better come up with some good excuses before Judgment Day.  "Well, God, um, er... Okay, it was like this.  Wait.  No, that doesn't make sense.  Okay, this one time, at band camp..."

Ohhh... okay.  This only applies to DUDES.  Nothing to yank, spank or jerk going on in here, thank you very much.  

Yeah, but there are no gherkins involved, so it's okay.

Dear Ellen Fapper and Christine O'Donnell,

Thank you for your anti-masturbation crusades.  How happy are YOU for your tidy girly bits that can't be yanked or spanked, thus eliminating you from an eternity in Hell?



Ahhh... now it's all beginning to make sense...

Also, not only is it MURDER (according to Ellen Fapper, I believe) it can also create this awkward situation:

Point made, Ellen Fapper.  Point made.

And THEN, thanks to a very good friend of mine who caught on eventually that Ellen Fapper had totally misled me in the definition of Fapping, I was directed to a different website, which explained it a little more accurately:

Dear Ellen Fapper and Christine O'Donnell,

Wrong again.

Oh well.



*Sidebar:  In one of my embarrassing Google Image searches, I happened upon this photo, which nearly made me pee myself laughing.  It has nothing to do with this blog, but it cracked me up so hard I felt the need to share.  However, part of me felt like a total ass for laughing so hard, considering HER fat ass was doing laps around MY fat ass, which was planted on the couch laughing at HER fat ass.  Then I got over it and laughed a little  more.

Need... air...


  1. I swear that sometimes they come up with these things JUST SO we have something to make fun of. Who on earth in their right mind thinks this. And here's my question . . . if there are literally millions of sperm ejaculated during masterbation, would someone be guilty of a million counts of murder? Or is it voluntary MANslaughter? ;) Silly silly christians.

    1. This whole "masturbation is murder" thing kills me. For real. There are so many arguments against it that my head is this close to exploding.

      But more importantly, what possesses someone to make Anti-Masturbation their CAMPAIGN???? AIDS, cancer, Autism, MS, MD, Lupus, etc. etc. etc. and the platform THEY climb on is NO MORE MASTURBATING????

      Shakin' ma dayum head, y'all.

  2. I had no idea what a meme was either, but got the idea when I looked up a bunch of the viral pics with silly captions on them.

    I have long said I'm going to hell, but at least I'll be in good company.

    1. You is smarter than me.

      I now know that it's pronounced "meem," not "Me me" which is how I hear it in my head, even though I know it's supposed to be "meem." I have no explanation for that.

      Hell is gonna be a BLAST.

  3. Love your posts Dani! They always make me laugh, or cry when you're talking about your sons.

    I had to Google "meme" too at one point. As for FAP, I'm assuming it's all those weird wrinkly faces I keep seeing on things? Those things make me crazy.

    1. Okay, true story:

      FAP is the sound that is apparently made whilst masturbating. Fap fap fap... Or so I gather.

      Personally, the noise *I* usually hear sounds more like "bzzzzz bzzzzz bzzzz" but what do I know.

    2. Oy... I didn't think about that. Now I just keep hearing it...

  4. I, too, marvel at what people perceive to be important. I hope someday Ms. Ellen gives birth to a passel of boys and has to deal with them at age 14....

    That last picture is perfect. Abso-fuckin-perfect.

    1. I wonder if Ms Ellen will feel guilty for all the little sperms that die while trying to get knocked up... After all, only ONE of those suckers is gonna make it to the egg.

      Meanwhile, did you know the Duggar's are shooting for child numero 20?

      Because dead babies are less important than dead sperm, yes?

      (And with that, I just neatly signed my condemnation to Hell.)

  5. See? You're such a friggin BAMF, that you not only knew what a meme was, but were using them all along!

    1. I hate to admit it, but I didn't know what BAMF was. I had to figger it out.

      At first I was all, "IS SHE CALLING ME FAT?"

  6. If you ever need an awkward yet hilarious tutorial on fapping in its various forms, feel free to spend an hour or two lurking on the forums at

    Female equivalent of fap: *schlick*

    The more you know... the less you probably want to live on this planet.

  7. Thank you for clearing this all up. I seriously had no idea what it meant and was too lazy to Google.

    No, seriously. I'm fucking lazy.

    I am going to go forth and share this knowledge with the people I work with, who also have no clue.



    1. I live but to give... Go forth, young Valerie, and share this knowledge of the Fap with the world...

      I'm on a mission from God...


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