Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

16 August 2012

Of Michael Kors and Left-Handed Watches

While I realize that I'm at best a "little quirky" in certain areas of my life, I'm starting to be concerned that I may or may not have totally passed up quirky and am heading into straight-up "freak" status. 

My obsession with Victorian Death photos?  Totally normal. 

The fact that I can kick anyone's ass playing "Name That Serial Killer" is not only normal, it's a life skill that may or may not come in handy one day.

Scheduling my life around the new season of America's Next Top Model?  What can I say, I have my priorities straight, yo.

Eating Good n Plentys and coffee for breakfast?  Okay, that might be just a little odd, but certainly wouldn't cause anyone to do much more than raise their eyebrows and predict a dire ending of toothlessness and diabetes at some point in my life.

The mad skill of being able to identify every purebred dog breed recognized by the AKC?   ENVIABLE.  (Useless, but still kind of awesome, yes?)

The Basenji is considered a "barkless" dog because they make a trilling sound, rather than your typical arf-arf.  Also?  "Basenji' is just a really cool word. 

Anyway, it's almost sad how long I could go on with this.  Instead, I'm going to get right to the point.

Here's where my "quirkiness" becomes "dude, you're a freak!"

It's all because of Michael Kors' belly button.

I'm obsessed with it.

I google pictures of it and look at it.

I make "ewww" noises and yet...

I can't.



Probably because it's looking back at me.

Why do I find this so fascinating, you ask?

It's simple, really.  The first time I saw it I came up with a theory.  My theory is that in utero, Michael Kors was a twin.  A hungry twin who absorbed the other twin.

(You've heard of this, right?)

So rather than being a twin, he became a singlet (singleton?  simpleton?) while his other half wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside him.

(I had a There Was An Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly moment.  Please ignore.)

As Michael Kors grew older, so did the absorbed twin.

Slowly but surely the twin began an escape plan.

The plan was to push himself out through Michael Kors' belly button.

Taking the twin out for a stroll on the beach.

Long story short, what we have here is the nose of the absorbed twin.  He figured if he could get his nose through, the rest of his head would soon follow.

Kind of like this, only through the belly button.  And Michael Kors.

If you spend as much time thinking about this as I have, it would make perfect sense. 

No, really.

I read somewhere (or maybe I totally made it up, which may or may not have happened) that there was a theory that all lefted handed people were once mirror image identical twins who absorbed their sibling. 

This theory holds a lot of water for me because my sister is left-handed and she is totally the type who would absorb her twin.  She's not a giant fan of competition and still blames me for the fact that she is not an only child.

Also?  She had a large mole growing next to her nose that she had removed.  I'm pretty sure that was her twin, trying to make a break for it but missed the nostril by a hair.

Oh... and the mole had hair.

Okay, it didn't, but that could just be because it hadn't grown any yet.

I don't know if Michael Kors is left handed or not but the fact that he makes left-handed watches raises a good deal of suspicion.

Think about it.



  1. Wow. I had never before seen that image. And now I fear when I watch him on Project Runway, that is the only thing I'm going to be thinking about.

    Thanks a lot, Dani!


    1. I have a Michael Kors bag that I used to love but now I can't carry it without imaginaging myself hauling around his belly button. Once that thing has been seen, IT CAN'T BE UNSEEN.

    2. ME TOO! I love Project Runway and now, it's going to be Project forget about that horrible belly button image :S I've never seen an outie that ...out. Even on a pregnant lady. Wow!

  2. You've made my afternoon. Thank you.


  3. I hate that belly button. Outies freak me out.

    I had a friend who had an absorbed twin removed a few years back. It had teeth and hair. I wanted her to have kept it in a jar, but it was medical waste so they wouldn't give it to her. I'm a freak because that bummed me out.

    1. That seriously gave me chills. Though I confess I also find it just a wee bit fascinating. And I'd kind of like to see it.

  4. THAT is the largest, and scariest belly buttonI have ever, ever seen.. AND you will LOVE this.. when my kids were little I use to poke their belly buttons, even though they all have innies, not outies and say, OOOh what does this button do? and tickle them, Michael Kors's Belly Button MUST do something..... something terrifying I bet!

    1. I'll bet it sneaks out at night and terrorizes the neighbors.


    2. OMFH!!!!!! I Bet it is!!! Or a Yeti!! It slinks out, and it's a Yeti!! A Yeticabra!!


  5. I'm left-handed, and I have an innie, not an outtie, but I accept that I may have absorbed my twin. It totally sounds like something I would do.

  6. Thanks for sending me on a side quest to find out what Victorian death photos were all about. What a strange, but captivating thing. I'm pretty sure that won't be the last time I Google that. You, my dear, are a vast treasure trove of goodies!

  7. ICK! What is wrong with that belly button?!
    The left handed twin thing is cool, though. Go lefties!

    1. I'm telling you, it's his absorbed twins nose. If you look at Michael Kors nose and then look at the shame of the belly button, THEY ARE IDENTICAL.

  8. Well now it will be impossible for me to resume my "before I saw that belly button" life! Thank you?

  9. It looks like a tiny, flesh colored melon sticking out of his belly!!

    1. If you lean in closely you can hear it saying, "Let. Me. OUT OF HERE!!!" I swear to all that is holy.

  10. He looks exactly like what would happen to a cabbage patch doll if it grew up.

    And now, I think I may be obsessed with it too. That's it! I'm making it into my screensaver.



  11. I CAN NEVER UNSEE THAT..... I am going to be thinking of that damn belly button every goddamn time he's on PR... thanks for that.. lol

    1. It's like Simon Cowell's man boobs: Once you know they're there, that's ALL that's there.

      I quit watching Idol because for me, it became the "Simon Cowell Has Man Boobs" show.

  12. Wow. Thank you for making my day THAT MUCH WEIRDER!
    eeeeew. That is all.

    1. My pleasure, dahling. Imagine the worlds I opened up for you with one glimpse of Michael Kors belly button...

      My work here is done.

  13. Now I'll be giggling like a mad fiend every time Michael Kors is on camera for Project Runway. Who knew?


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