Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

Because sometimes a status update just isn't enough.

19 July 2012

To Sleep, Perchance To Kick Ass And Take Names

Woke up this morning... with a wine glass in my hand
Whose wine?  What wine?  Where the hell did I dine?

(Sorry... '70s moment.)

But seriously... I woke up this morning with a wine glass in my hand.  Okay, it wasn't actually a wine glass, or even a glass at all, but I DID wake up with a wrenched shoulder and a stiff neck.  In fact, the entire left side of my body is so sore that I can barely move.

MMmmm... Peter Frampton...

(Sorry again... I wasn't quite over my '70s moment.)

Anyway, as I limped out of bed and Quasimodo'd my way into the livingroom, I had to ask myself:

"What the fuck did I do last night??"

As far as I know, my evening ended at about 10:30 when I took an Ambien and dociley went to bed, without pausing to shave my head, make French Toast, call anyone, or make an ass out of myself.  At some point during the night I got up to pee (I don't actually remember doing this, but I know for a fact that I haven't gotten through a night without getting up to pee since 1962, so I'm taking it for granted that I did so) but according to Dan, there were no loud bangs or crashes and he didn't wake up to find me break dancing in the hallway.

My usual night time antics...

I pondered and stewed and cross examined the dogs.  "What did Mommy do last night?" I asked them, fully expecting an answer, because Dan and I are those people who actually believe their dogs are human.

Maisy looked at me mournfully, with her giant Marty Feldman eyes, and Javi ignored me with the savoir faire that only a Pomeranian can muster.

("Savoir faire:  The ability to do or say the right or graceful thing in any situation."  In case you were wondering.)

Marty Feldman

Maisy Feldman

(Also in case you were wondering.)

After much speculation and soul searching, I have come to the conclusion that these are the things I do in my sleep, which makes total sense, considering the amount of pain I am in this morning.

Prepare to be amazed.

It all makes sense to me now.


  1. I woke up the other morning with a sore hip (?!) and have been hobbling around like an old woman since. People ask how I hurt myself and I don't even know what to say. Getting old blows.

    1. Right?? How can lying still on my left side inspire such agony?? That's why I decided I'm out saving the world while I'm sleeping, because I'll be damned if it's because I'm getting old.

  2. I woke up this morning with the most fucked up catch in my back, ever. I figured I'm just fucking getting old...Lame.

    1. See, I COULD have thought that, but I figured it had to be something more interesting, like donning a unitard and doing yoga.

  3. Yeah, I did the same thing, whatever it was, last night. My friend came over tonight and I turned to her and now my neck is still there. I hate getting old.


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